Miracle Mile (Steve De Jarnatt, 1988)

I'm having a bit of trouble understanding why Anthony Edwards' Harry Washello jumped out of the back of that moving food truck near the beginning of Miracle Mile. Oh, I get it, he wants to rescue Julie Peters, the woman he met at The Page Museum the previous day. But the funny thing is, Julia Peters isn't played by Betsy Russell. No, she's played by Mare Winningham!?! You see what I'm getting at? Now, I'm not trying to imply that Mare Winningham isn't worth rescuing because she doesn't look like Betsy Russell, it's just that Anthony Edwards just met her... like, five hours ago. However, as Anthony, er, I mean, Harry Washello, says in the film's intro, "Love can sure spin your head around." Meaning, love can make people do crazy things. Whoa, I think better start steering this review into less obnoxious waters. The last thing I want is this to be is one of those Miracle Mile reviews that spends the majority of its time bemoaning the fact that Mare Winningham is no Betsy Russell. And that's what it's starting to become. That being said, the casting of Mare Winningham as the lead's love interest was a bold decision. Which is not that surprising, as the film, written and directed by Steve De Jarnatt (Cherry 2000), is filled with bold (and some idiotic) decisions.

If you think about it, Mare Winningham is the perfect woman for a socially awkward trombone player. (Don't you mean, "socially awkward museum employee who plays the trombone on the side"?) That's just the thing, I always thought Harry Washello worked at The Page Museum (a.k.a. La Brea Tar Pits). But get this, he's doesn't, he's simply a humble trombone player (one who's in town to play a series of concerts).

Okay, now that we've established what Harry Washello does for a living, and tiptoed around the fact that Mare Winningham is an unconventional leading lady, it needs to be said, and as often as possible, that Miracle Mile is a top-notch thriller.

Seriously, the moment Harry Washello (Anthony Edwards) enters Johnie's Coffee Shop at the corner of Wilshire Boulevard and Fairfax Avenue, I was transfixed. Which is not something I can say about a lot of films. Most movies are a real chore to sit through. Either they fail to hold my attention or are just stuffed with superfluous nonsense.

Anyway, getting back to the scene in the museum. Even though I initially thought Harry Washello was employed at the museum and that Julie Peters (Mare Winningham) was a teacher leading her students on a field trip (she's not a teacher, but a waitress at Johnie's), nothing can damper the sight of the two colossal dorks playfully flirting with one another to the synthy sounds of Tangerine Dream.

Thinking that he's blown it with Julie, Harry goes out to wallow in self-pity near La Brea Tar Pits. But wait, what's this? It's Julie (if you look closely, you'll notice that her purple tights are pressing against her aching girl-maw with the force of a thousand vice grips). It's turns out he hasn't blown it. In fact, that exact opposite is true, as the two embark on a whirlwind romantic adventure. We're talking merry-go-rounds, impromptu lobster liberation, the works, baby.

Oh, and if you thought the music of Tangerine Dream was great during the opening scene, you should hear the piece used during the scene where a bird inadvertently knocks out the power at Harry's hotel. (Wait, what?) A bird tries to use a lit cigarette (one that Harry tossed on the ground) as nesting material. And since the bird's nest lies on a bunch of wires, the fire it sparks causes the hotel's power to go out. As I was saying, the music used  here is my favourite out of all the Tangerine Dream compositions heard throughout this movie, as it perfectly sets up the events that are about to unfold.

Since the power outage causes Harry's alarm to not go off, he ends up missing his rendezvous with Julie; the plan was to pick her up at Johnie's when she got off work at midnight. Sleeping till 3:45am, a panic-stricken Harry rushes over to Johnie's. Of course, Julie isn't there (she would be insane to wait that long). What Harry does find when he gets there is an odd assortment of characters, a revolving digital clock and a ringing pay-telephone.

While Harry should technically ignore these things, especially the ringing pay-phone (no good can ever come from answering one), the person on the other end of the line, time and the early morning diner crowd are what give him a slight edge in the not being vaporized by a nuclear explosion department.

According to the person on the other end of the line, a nuclear war is about to get underway, and L.A. basin is going to be, to quote Jenette Goldstein, "a total overkill zone."

Now, some of the folks in the diner believe what Harry tells them. O-Lan Jones (who, of course, plays a waitress), Alan Rosenberg (a street-cleaner), Robert DoQui (Fred the cook), Diane Delano (a stewardess) and, most importantly, Denise Crosby (a.k.a. The Woman with the Mobile Phone), for instance, are convinced he's telling the truth. Whereas, Roger the Transvestite (Danny De La Paz, 3:15), Claude Earl Jones (the other street-cleaner) and Earl Boen's drunk L.A. BBQ expert are less convinced.

The even number between those who believed Harry and those who didn't helped add to the sense of realism. I mean, would you really believe the half-baked ramblings of some stranger in a diner at 4am?

However, it was the way Denise Crosby reacts to certain things that Harry says that convinced me that shit was about to get real. Plus, she carries a mobile phone (only important people carried them back then).

Taking notes on what transpires after Harry takes the phone call proved to be quite difficult, as the film never really gives you a chance to catch your breath. Shot in real time, Miracle Mile is a relentlessly paced thriller that only follows Harry's valiant attempt to rescue Julie, who, like the rest of the city, is sound asleep.

As that damned revolving digital clock constantly reminds us, time of the essence. In other words, will Harry be able to get Julie to the top of 5900 Wilshire Boulevard before the missiles start landing? Or, more importantly, will Harry be able to find a helicopter pilot at 5am? Obviously I'm not going to say. But I will say this, the parts of the film that depict the various reactions of the sleeping masses when they finally find out what's happening are truly terrifying.

Revenge of the Nerds (Jeff Kanew, 1984)

I didn't think it was possible, but after all these years, Revenge of the Nerds remains to be a refreshing lump of mischief-infused idiocy. A dweeb-friendly tribute to social retardation and sexual dysfunction, this pocket-protector-enhanced triumph of the human spirit has a surprising amount of depth and pathos coursing through its flabby veins. Sure, its blood stream is also teeming with a plethora of dork stereotypes (they all wear glasses with thick frames and are proficient in the field of the cunnilingual arts), but the first film in this spastic series has a lot of heart and a pretty solid message to convey. Which may seem a tad hollow in today's geek chic universe (thanks to the likes of Sarah Vowell and Wes Anderson). However, back in the jock-centric era of 1984, this film's firm stance against homophobia, racism and ultra-nationalism was considered revolutionary. The film also just happens to be crudely hilarious. Thanks, in part, to the hygiene-free antics of Dudley "Booger" Dawson (a wonderfully unshaven Curtis Armstrong). Playing essentially the same character he played in Risky Business and Better Off Dead, Curtis brought a relaxed attitude to the proceedings that gave the film a much needed air of sleaziness. Though, I never did quite understand why Booger was classified as a nerd. You know because he didn't seem all that bright and his wardrobe had a disheveled hipness about it. Either way, his liberal use of the terms "douche bag" and "hair pie" not only broke new ground, but also managed to inspire countless others in the realm of filthiness.

In case you don't know, the tangled plot involves two bespectacled friends named Lewis Skolnick (Robert Carradine) and Gilbert Lowell (Anthony Edwards) and their apprehensive transition from high school to college. Where the socially inept duo are immediately met with scorn upon their arrival at the spacious campus of Adams College. Which strangely enough doesn't seem to have any classrooms (they do have a gymnasium, though).

Anyway, the two freshman are kicked out of their dormitory by the neo-fascists at Alpha Beta (a jock fraternity who's house is destroyed thanks to fire breathing mishap) and forced to live in the school's gym with a motley assemblage of weirdos and outcasts. This tight-knit group decides that enough is enough and resolves to fight back against the wily jocks, and get back their sense of nerd pride through the power of synthesized pop music (a totally awesome show-stopper that will no doubt appeal to fans of Devo, Kraftwerk and effeminate rap).

The pantie raid sequence ate rusty barbed wire in terms of all-out fun and frivolity. A spank-worthy escapade that is filled with an abundance of frilly underclothing and unrestrained squealing whilst running. Now, I've seen many cinematic pantie raids recently (Ghoulies 3: Ghoulies Go to College and Private School), but the one in Revenge of the Nerds rules over them all. The fluidity of the camera movement, the mortified shrieking, and the overall gaiety of the raid itself really meshed well together to create a titillating opus that somehow manages to transcend human existence.

The gorgeous Julia Montgomery is angelic as Betty Childs, the perky yet spiteful cheerleader/sociopath who wants to eradicate the nerd way of life via her spazz-enveloping thighs and bewitching stare. The extended shot of Montgomery's rosy-cheeked ass in a diaphanous pair of white panties is the gold standard when it comes to gratuitous butt shots. At any rate, bums aside, I liked the way Betty started to see the nerds as human beings as the film progressed. And, if you don't think about it at all, it's quite the touching transformation.

The party scene that featured the smoldering babes of Omega Mu was a pure adrenalin rush. I'd like to go through each Mu girl one by one and explain why they're so great, but that would take too long. Instead, I'll just say that the one's who got it on with Poindexter (Timothy Busfield) and Lewis were my favourite Mu girls.

Oh, and Michelle Meyrink (Valley Girl) is freaking enchanting as Judy, the Omega Mu with the most screen time. The way she says "I think robots are sexy" was downright adorable.

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