The Blue Jean Monster (Kai-Ming Lai, 1991)

According to Pauline Wong Siu-Fung's leggy gal pal, the reason babies are born without teeth is because the father usually knocks them out with his erect penis. (Wait, that can't be true.) It isn't. It's what passes for humour in the delightfully irregular The Blue Jean Monster, the latest Cat III flick to unwittingly scamper across my desk with an unruly thud. (Please. Don't try to make it sound like you stumbled upon this film by accident, 'cause nobody is buying that; not even for a second. You saw that the curvaceous Amy Yip was prominently featured on the film's poster wearing a red bunny suit, and you did what any sane person would, you tracked the film down, and then you watched it. End of story.) You know what, you're absolutely right. That is the reason I watched this film. (In order to get to the scene where Amy Yip prances around in a red bunny suit, you're going to have to endure a lot of politically incorrectness. I mean, weren't you offended by the film's anti-gay temperament?) Offended? Me? I don't think so. First of all, I wouldn't call the film's overall temperament "anti-gay," just parts of it. And secondly, the anti-gay slurs come as a result of one of the characters witnessing something that angered them. Since you're already practically on the edge of your seat, I'll tell you what perturbed them. You see, a pregnant Pauline Wong Siu-Fung (Her Vengeance) was upset because she caught her husband rolling around on the living room floor with Power Steering (Tse Wai-Kit), their physically disabled friend. Interpreting their frenzied rolling around as man-on-man action, Pauline Wong Siu-Fung let's fly a barrage of anti-gay epithets. In reality, and in a manner that would have made the cast of Three's Company proud, Pauline Wong Siu-Fung misunderstood the sight of her husband and Power Steering merely trying to jump start the former's undead corpse using electricity for gay sex.

If that sounds absurd, it's just the tip of Amy Yip's glorious nipples in terms of brain-crippling weirdness. Here's another example that just came to mind. In order to find out which employee at a fast food joint felt up the breasts attached to ETC (Siu Jing-Yee), her less chubby friend, Gucci (Gloria Yip), instructs them to do the same to a couple of hamburgers. Remember that scene in The Thing where Kurt Russell tries to find out which team member is the alien by testing their blood? Well, the hamburger feel up scene in The Blue Jean Monster is just like that, only a million times more stupid.

Speaking of food, Power Steering gets diarrhea from eating undigested noodles. No big deal, right? Diarrhea happens. Yeah, but not that many people get diarrhea from eating noodles that had just oozed out of the gaping metal pipe wound located near the abdomen of Hisiang Tsu (Shing Fui-On), the "blue jean monster" of the film's title.

Is he monster, though? I'm not entirely sure. A zombie? Perhaps. A vampire? Nah. Other than shirking the light, he doesn't strike me as a vampire. A demon? I'll have to admit, his eyes did scream demon possession on several occasions. How 'bout a ghost? He could be, but who knows. Well, whatever he is, he's determined to be around when his son is born.

How did Tsu end up becoming a monster, you ask? Well, that's simple. After being killed by a gang of bank robbers at a construction site, lightning strikes the debris that crushed him. (Hold up, why did the bank robbers kill Tsu at a construction site? Don't bank robbers usually kill people inside the bank they rob?) Huh? Oh, I see. Acting on a tip from Power Steering, Tsu, who's a cop, a cop who plays by his own rules, chases a gang of bank robbers. And that chase leads him to a construction site, where, after a prolonged shootout, Tse gets crushed by a pile of building material.

Left for dead by the bank robbers, Tsu bemoans the fact that he'll probably miss seeing his son being born. However, seconds after he expires, the debris on top of him is struck by lightening. Now, I'm not entirely sure if the guy on the motorbike was a bank robber coming back to look for a missing bag of money (Gucci, who was taken hostage during the robbery, managed to snag some money for herself) or just some random dude. Either way, the guy on the motorbike stabs Tsu in the stomach with a large metal pipe. Of course, the pipe has no effect on Tse, who returns the favour stabbing the guy on the motorbike with the very same pipe.

Even though the pipe wound doesn't hurt, Tsu covers it nonetheless with one of his wife's tampons. When he notices the noodles he had for dinner are oozing out of his pipe wound, he replaces the tampon with cookie dough.

"Replaces the tampon with cookie dough"? What the fuck, early 1990s Hong Kong?

To makes matters even weirder, Power Steering not only eats the undigested noodles, he eats the cookie that Tsu's pipe wound creates after the cookie dough has been baking on it for a few days. He definitely got diarrhea from the undigested noodles; just ask Tsu's wife (the radiant Pauline Wong Siu-Fung), the smell of liquid fecal matter is stinging her pregnant nostrils. But I'm not sure what effect the pipe wound cookie had on Power Steering's digestive system.

Anyway, it would seem that Tsu's body needs a heavy dose of electricity every so often to stay animated. He learns this hard way when he is declared dead at a local hospital. Reviving himself using a defibrillator, Tsu gets up and leaves in a calm and rational manner.

(Does this "calm and rational manner" you speak of include putting aside some time to admire the black nylons attached to the legs of Nurse Ho? No? Well, that doesn't sound very rational, does it?) I guess you're right. (Of course I'm right. To not admire the black nylons worn by Carol Lee Yee-Ha, the name of the actress who plays Nurse Ho, is the epitome of irrational.)

Okay, we get it, he's not exactly rational when it comes to leaving hospitals. In case you haven't noticed, Tsu is slowly falling apart. In other words, he's got more important things to worry about. Hell, he can't even get an erection anymore. Instead of sulking, Tsu vows to make use of what little time he has left. Which reminds me, in-between all the jokes about the handicapped and AIDS, the film actually has a pretty profound message. (And that is?) Oh, it's to live life to the fullest and always take the time to appreciate sexy nurses in black nylons.

It's a good thing Tsu can't get an erection, as the sight of Amy Yip prancing around his flat in a red bunny suit would no doubt cause his penis to tear a hole in his blue jeans. (Um, how is that a "good thing"?) Oh, yeah, that's not a good thing at all.

Nevertheless, Pauline Wong Siu-Fung's best friend, the alluring Amy Wu Mei-Yee, tells her to hire Death-rays (Amy Yip) to placate what she sees as the wandering nature of Tsu's increasingly bi-curious penis; she thinks Tsu is having an affair with Power Steering.

(Was it common for pregnant women to hire bunny suit-wearing prostitutes to service their sex-starved husbands?) I have no idea, but according Amy Wu Mei-Yee, it totally was. But then again, the only reason she gave for this being an acceptable course of action was that it was "the nineties." I don't know how many people remember this, but shouting the name of the current decade was quite the effective tool when it came time to convince those around you who were reluctant to engage in certain activities.

Since it is the 1990s, the sight of Amy Yip's Death-rays straddling Tsu in a red bunny suit (her black pantyhose making mincemeat out of luscious thighs and mouth-watering hips) while Pauline Wong Siu-Fung and Amy Wu Mei-Yee listened outside was completely okay as far as social norms go.

Unfortunately, Tsu's undead penis is as useless as an escalator to nowhere, and he is unable to take advantage of his pregnant wife's bosomy gift.

As the truth about his condition slowly gets out, Tsu must act fast if he wants to achieve his two goals: #1: Make sure he's alive when his son born. #2: Bring the bank robbers who killed him to justice. Well, he's going to get the chance to complete both goals simultaneously when the bank robbers kidnap his wife and Gucci. Culminating with a warehouse shootout, The Blue Jean Monster mixes absurd humour with John Woo-esque action scenes to create a bizarre mishmash that will appeal to almost everyone in the audience; those who have an aversion to shapely Chinese chicks who dress up like bunny rabbits might want to skip this one.

Jail House Eros (Sai Hung Fung, 1990)

What kind of women in prison movie is this?!? No, seriously, someone please tell me, 'cause I have no idea how to approach this Category III film. You see, part of my mind is literally gnawing at the store bought restraints that are preventing me from writing about Jail House Eros from the perspective of a perverted individual; folks who are extremely comfortable whenever they find themselves face-to-crotch with a good old fashion women in prison flick. Which, theoretically, is the correct part of the brain to start from; after all, the word "jail" is in the title. Yeah, but what about the angelic ghosts, the boorish handymen (one's who looked like they just wandered off the set of the Cantonese language version of Porky's), the leggy Taoist priests with low self-esteem, and, last but not least, the awkward romantic subplot involving a middle-aged virgin? Where do they fit in? Or better yet, what am I supposed to do with them? My subconscious isn't equipped to handle this much genre-skewering at once. Give me a story about a desperate woman struggling to survive within the decrepit walls a poorly run correctional facility on the outskirts of a fractured dream, and I'll penetrate its cinematic anus with a buttery ease. However, if you upset the natural order of things by adding supernatural weirdness and slapstick comedy to the proceedings, you'll find me twitching in the corner of the room sweating like a confused house plant. (Pick any plant, it doesn't matter, I'm leafy and discombobulated as fuck.) I've got an idea, let's try to come at the film as if it four movies in one. The first movie is obviously a straightforward women in prison film about three inmates who clash with a group of rival inmates on a semi-regular basis. I liked this movie. Sure, the brawls get a little monotonous after awhile, but I dug the way they all seemed to revolve around the largeness of Amy Yip's Asian tits.

Yep, you heard right, the ample breasted star of Robotrix is back and she's stirring up trouble, as a gang of ladies, lead by a short-haired woman with small breasts played by Git Leng Chan, are always fighting with Amy Yip's crew over things as varied as chicken wing allotment to cafeteria lunch line etiquette.

What a like about Amy Yip is that her breasts are never out in the open. I know, some of you are thinking: "What the hell are you talking about? I wanna see Amy Yip's naked boobies on the screen I watch movies on as often as humanly possible." Doesn't it bring you a thimble's worth of comfort to know they're protruding in a state of chest-based anonymity? No comfort, eh? Yeah, I guess you're right, the amount of comfort it provides is negligible at best. Instead of whining about it ad nauseum, what we all need to do is except the fact that Amy Yip has chosen, for whatever reason, to keep her massive jugs under wraps and move on.

This applies to the rest of the film's cast, too, as the majority of the unclothed work is carried out by the actresses with non-speaking roles. Pay close attention, while the fights that break out are mainly started by Amy Yip and Git Leng Chan, the bulk of the hair pulling and clothes ripping is done by extras or stunt women; I'm gonna say the latter, as some of the fights were quite intense.

Opening with a sequence involving an inmate named Blackie (Joanna Chan) trying to escape via the old slingshot-zip line technique, Jail House Eros quickly ushers us behind the barbed-wire fence of this unnamed prison located somewhere in post-hangover Hong Kong. While her attempt is successful, Blackie is actually dreaming. Screaming, "I made it" over and over again in Cantonese, Blackie accidentally kicks the bunk containing a disagreeable woman with short hair. And so begins fight #1. A scrappy affair that features an alarming amount of shoe throwing, this dust-up gives us our first peek at the sexy bruises that pepper Joanna Chan's Chinese gams. What can I say? I'm a sick twist. Don't worry, her bruises were mild at best, and probably acquired over the course of the rigorous shoot.

Somewhat satisfied over the way the film's first girl-based melee played out, the film shifts gears a bit when it starts to focus a trio of morons, who, from now on, will be called the three stooges. Hired to renovate a dilapidated building on the prison grounds by Inspector Feng (Shui-Fan Fung), the three stooges waste little exploiting their situation. In fact, fight #2 breaks out mainly as a result of their lewd behaviour. As the inmates are being marched to work (I guess they pick vegetables as a part of their rehabilitation), they pass the three stooges on the road outside the prison. Goading them with cat calls, Amy Yip's crew and Git Leng Chan's gang decide to have a sexy-off to prove once and for all who's the sexiest. Even though their gingham night shirts aren't the most effective garments for showcasing the female form, the girls try their best to make do. The so-called "sexy-off" soon morphs into an orgy of violence that finds a bunch of women who look nothing like the women who were involved in the sexy-off rolling around on the grass with one another.

In a rare move, Jail House Eros closely adheres to the WiP playbook, in that, the sexy-off ringleaders are punished by being sprayed with water from a fire hose.

Without a doubt, the film's most appealing character is Blackie; a status that is solidified when she daydreams about escaping via a fallen tree (her adorableness is off the charts). After an asinine sequence that finds the three stooges pairing off with the members of Amy Yip's crew (one where a Toblerone penis gag is employed), we're ready for fight #3 to commence. And just like fight #1, it centres around Blackie being bullied by Git Leng Chan's gang. Coming to Blackie's defense after Git steals her chicken wing, Amy Yip's crew show their displeasure by hurling food at them. As expected, this causes a full on food fight to erupt.

After the cafeteria has calmed down, this women in prison sex comedy adds supernatural thriller and romantic farce to the list of genres it tackles. The ghost of a prisoner who died during an escape attempt in the early 1970s is let loose after Blackie finds her music box buried in the yard. The ghost's name is Jane (Loletta Lee), and judging by her angelic appearance, she's a "good ghost." Anyway, rescuing Blackie from a fall that would have surely killed her (she was trying to escape via a drain pipe), it's clear that Jane sees a little bit of herself in the shy yet determined inmate (despite her shyness, Blackie's the only inmate who seems to want to escape). Protecting her from abusive bullies who steal chicken wings and helping her plan her escape attempts, Blackie and Jane make a delightful team.

The other inmates, however, don't like the idea of a ghost roaming the halls of the prison, and decide to "occupy" the cafeteria to protest the ghost's presence. And, get this, the intensity of fight #4 (a bathroom brawl that involves Jane taking over the body of one of Blackie's tormentors) causes Amy Yip's crew and Git Leng Chan's gang to form an alliance.

In terms of sex appeal, I would say Aunt Pei (Pauline Wong Yuk-Wan), a leggy Taoist priest who may or may not have the hots for Inspector Feng, is the film's sexiest character (Amy Yip lost that distinction the second she aligned herself with Git). An expert when it comes to the supernatural, Pei is tricked into going on a date with Feng by the three stooges. You see, while Pei thinks she's on a date (and judging by the black pantyhose she wears, she means business), Feng thinks he's there to hire her to do some freelance ghostbusting at his prison. This misunderstanding leads to some comical situations of an erotic nature. My favourite situation being the moment when Feng tries to blow spilled salt off Pei's nylon ensnared ankle.

You know what they say? There's nothing more exciting than the sight of a middle-aged virgin trying to remove salt from the shapely ankle belonging to a Taoist priest who wears glasses. Am I right, fellas?

If there's a "good ghost," you know there has to be a "bad ghost." Showing up right on cue, the ghost of a recently deceased prison guard (Chi Chun Ha) causes havoc after being accidentally unleashed by the three stooges during a bogus ritual. Unable to attain Pei's services, the three stooges attempt to cleanse the prison themselves. Which, I don't have to tell you, is a terrible idea. At any rate, will Feng be able to acquire Pei's ghostbusting skills in time to stop the evil forces that have inundated his prison? Probably. But the nevertheless, the schizophrenic Jail House Eros is something that fans of women in prison flicks should experience at least once.

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Robotrix (Jamie Luk, 1991)

Dust off your soldering gun and start rifling through your mother's lingerie drawer, because it's time to watch the only film to combine kung-fu fighting robots with bra-challenging boobies. Yeah, that's right. I said, "boobies." You got a problem with that? Okay, I'm sorry about that, I have a tendency to get a tad defensive whenever the subject of breasts is brought up. While everyone the world over seems to worship at the alter of the bouncing mammary glands, whether they be large or small, lopsided or symmetrical, I have chosen to pretend that I am completely immune to their numerous charms. Misguided as that may sound, it has given me many opportunities to flaunt a smug air of superiority (if you listen carefully, you can hear people muttering, "there goes the guy who's chilly towards tits," under the breath as I walk down the street). However, as I inexplicably sat and gazed in the general direction of Robotrix (a.k.a. Nu Ji Xie Ren), the sex-filled robot romp/softcore action thriller directed Jamie Luk (seriously, I have no idea how this film and my face ended up on a collision course), I thought to myself, "Hmmm, these jiggly lumps of flesh aren't that bad. In fact, they're kind of awesome." Disenchanted by the fake boob free for all that was 1990s, I decided to protest this obsession with chest-based forgery by shunning boobs altogether. I know what you're thinking, only real boob would shun all boobs (talk about your rash decisions). Well, some twenty odd years later, I think my faith in titties has been finally restored. And it's all thanks to a 5' 4¼" dynamo named Chikako Aoyama, the poster girl for wielding authentic boobs in a sci-fi universe where shapely cyborgs in skintight outfits do battle with the memories of a dead mad scientist.

When you see the adorable little scamp lying on a laboratory slab, there's no doubt that her breasts are real (her fatty tissue and skin fall to the side like nature intended). Why is she lying on a slab in a laboratory setting, you ask? I'll get to that in a minute. I just want to reiterate how happy I am to be back in the breast appreciation game. Of course, there will be those out there who will say that I'm only back in the b.a.g. because the breasts were Asian. Huh? You see, my exposure to Asian boobs, which, I'll admit, is somewhat limited when compared to other types of boobs, will cause some people (and I won't name names) to think that I lack the boob-evaluating skills necessary to properly admire a well-formed pair of Asian titties. Well, let me assure you, my admiration has nothing to do with the race of the breasts. The way they laughed in the face gravity exceeded the narrowly defined confines of race.

Now that that's settled, let's move on to something a little less bosomy for a second, shall we? Ooooh, I know. How about attractive female robots who fight other robots in tight clothing? Yeah, that's pretty good start. But don't you think the chances you might veer of into booby territory again are quite high? I mean, you did mention "tight clothing." You're absolutely right. Tight clothing and juicy melons go hand in hand. But then again, so what; obsessing over a woman's breasts never killed anyone.

The film, which is set in a pre-handover Hong Kong (government buildings are adorned with flags bearing the Union Jack), opens in a spa, where see a Middle Eastern man being showered with affection by four giggle-prone women wearing see-through robes. What's weird about this scene is not fawning ladies, but the fact he's being followed by eight or so blazer-wearing security guards. Making their way to the pool, the unnamed man, who, despite having a hairy ass crack, must be pretty important to garner that much protection, methodically removes the soaking wet garments from each of the women, while, at the same time, still managing to grope them in a manner that was diplomatic (each woman is given the same amount of gropes).

As he's pawing at the woman, his over-privileged gaze would occasionally focus on Inspector Selina (Chikako Aoyama), who's in charge overseeing his protection during his stay in the colony (the rest are personal body guards). And who can blame him, she's stunning. Politely declining his many offers to join him in the pool, Selina decides to step away from the debauchery for a moment. Suddenly, a strange mist can be seen floating through the air. Rendering everyone unconscious, a mysterious man in a leather jacket (the mist seems to have no affect on him) grabs the dazed prince and takes off. As he's leaving, he runs into Selina in the spa's lobby, and just as she was about to draw her weapon, the leather man shoots Selina in the chest and leaves a videotape.

Meanwhile, over at a robotics symposium that is taking place on the other side of town, Dr. Sara (Siu-dan Hui) and her assistant Ann (Amy Yip) are watching the demonstration being put on by a German android manufacture. As the designer is bragging about the capabilities of his lifelike robots to a throng of playboys, tycoons, paid escorts, generals, oil sheiks, and Donal Logue look-a-likes, an unimpressed audience member interrupts him and challenges his sunglasses-sporting male robot to a good old fashion kung-fu fight. Removing his shirt did not help, as the now shirtless audience member gets his ass kicked by the German automaton. An American robot designer decides to challenge the Germans at this time (everyone in this joint seems to have a robot). After the two battle it out to a draw, the American robot (imagine Michael Camacho circa Sly Fox's "Let's Go All The Way" wearing a black leotard) starts going crazy. Punching and kicking people at random, the malfunctioning American is finally subdued by a less fleshed out robot from Japan named Eva (whose overall demenour reminded me of Mandora, the Evil Chaser from She-Ra: Princess of Power ).

It would seem that Eva is the brainchild of the aforementioned Dr. Sara, a Japanese robotics expert. And just as an oil sheik is about to start lavishing praise on her robot, the city's police commissioner (Fung Woo) bursts into the exhibition hall carrying a videotape. What's on the tape? Wait a minute, is this the same tape that was left with Selina's dead body over at the spa? Oh my, you're pretty sharp for a squirrel with a severe learning disability. Yeah, the oil sheik is the father is the guy who was snatched in the film's opening scene, and the leather-clad man who grabbed him is–you guessed it–a Japanese robot whose complex circuitry contains the memories of Ryuichi Yamamoto (Chung Lin), the scientist who designed him. Disgruntled over the fact that the oil sheik refused to fund his research, Yamamoto, after transferring his memories into the mind of a robot (and the only way to do this is if you're dead, so he killed himself, seppuku-style, of course), has chosen to get back at the oil sheik by kidnapping his son.

While it's obvious that a plot this duplicitous needs to be countered with one that is on the same level in terms of duplicity, how can they stop a robot in a leather jacket who possesses superhuman strength and takes forever to ejaculate robot sperm? Not only is the life of a rich man's offspring in danger, but the vaginal well-being of the city's prostitute population is depending on you to stop this over-thrusting fiend before it's too late. Over-thrusting? Yeah, I'm afraid his humping technique is the leading cause of clitoral turmoil amongst hookers aged fourteen to sixty-five.

Hey, Dr. Sara, you're a Japanese robotics expert, right? Yeah, so. Well, couldn't you transfer the memories of say, a dead police inspector, into the mind of Eva? I guess, why? Well, it turns out that we've got the body of a recently deceased police inspector down at the hospital, and, get this, she was murdered by the very same robot we're trying to stop. And just like that, Dr. Sara and Ann–who, by the way, is a robot, and a smoking hot one, at that–transfers Selina's memories into the body of a robot. On top of her memories, they also transfer her physical attributes (i.e. her cute smile and big boobies).

The first thing Selina does when she wakes up is she checks her chest for bullet wounds. When she discovers there aren't any, she starts to wonder if she's dead or alive. Oh, you're dead, honey. Your body is lying on the slab next to you. No, what you are is a robot, and your sole purpose is to destroy the robot who killed your human body. Any questions? What about my police detective boyfriend? It's entirely up to you whether or not you tell him you're a robot. Oh, and, in case you're wondering, your vagina has been outfitted with all the perks of a human vagina. In other words, feel free to insert your boyfriend's erect penis inside it whenever you want, as he won't, depending on the sensitivity of his penis, be able to tell the difference.

Getting back to the robot who killed the buxom police inspector, where is our leather-clad android? Accessing my memory bank, it would seem that at this point in the film he decides to visit a bar. Curious to try out his robot penis, Robot Yamamoto (Billy Chow) picks up a prostitute wearing red gloves and black fishnet stockings, and takes her to a sleazy motel (not before killing her pimp in the washroom). Judging by the quality of his thrusts, his penis works just fine. Only problem is, it takes him forever to achieve orgasm. This lengthy process causes the prostitute to grow weary of her trick; and, not to mention, is putting a lot of undue stress on her non-robotic vagina. Tired of being prodded with his cock (every position has been employed to the point of redundancy), the prostitute decides that she's had enough, and tells him to stop fucking her. Choking her as his penetrates her against the wall, her fishnet stockings, once filled to the brim with her plucky stems, are now draped over a small television set tuned to a fuzzy channel, her body eventually goes limp.

At police headquarters, Selina's detective boyfriend, Joe (David Wu), his goofy partner, Puppy (Chung Kwai), and a bunch of other detectives, get briefed on their mission. Unaware that two of the women they'll be working with are robots, the detectives fawn over Ann, who has changed out of her metallic leather jacket and into a pink tank top.. Oh, and to prove she's worthy to be on the team (unlike, Selina, Ann is not affiliated with the police department), Ann gives them a quick demonstration of her skills.

After a romantic birthday dinner, it's Selina's turn to try out her robot genitals. Shaking off the cobwebs that have no doubt begun to accumulate within its delicate housing, Selina takes her robot vagina out for a test drive with her boyfriend in a bedroom straight out of Zalman King's subconscious. Whereas the sex scene with Robot Yamamoto and the unnamed prostitute in the motel room was seedy and uncouth, the one between Selina and Joe is warm and loving. And since both scenes occur almost back to back, it causes you to feel this weird sensation in your tummy. Don't tell anyone this, but I'm having trouble deciding which scene I liked more. Anyway, the warm and loving scene and the seedy and uncouth one do have one thing in common, and that is, they both feature stockings draped over appliances (the stockings in the warm and loving scene are draped over a lamp).

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Ann's robot vagina. After being told all about her sexual encounter with Joe, Ann tells Selina that she wants to put a human penis in her robot vagina, too. Well, it so happens the opportunity to get her synthetic cunt stuffed with all kinds of strange sausage is about arise when the idea for her to pose as a prostitute gets proposed. Since Robot Yamamoto is currently stretching out prostitute vaginas across the city, what better way to lure him into a trap by using Ann's pseudo pussy as bait?

The film starts to resemble a sex comedy during the "Ann poses as a prostitute stakeout sequence" (the Puppy character would feel right at home in the non-racist version of the Porky's universe). Telling her first john (Sai-Kit Yung) that she is curious to try out "human love-making," Ann removes her tight, salmon-coloured hooker dress (don't ask me where her fishnet stockings were draped, as Luk seems to have lost interest in that particular motif), and proceeds to hurl herself against his fully engorged man-thing. Realizing that Ann is a choice piece of girl candy, the male detectives on the stakeout decide to take advantage of the situation by charging extra for the opportunity to enter her via her robotic vagina (remember, they don't know she's a robot). Soon, there's a line-up around the block waiting for the chance to penetrate her, but there's still no sign of Robot Yamamoto.

Fans of robots and material arts will be relieved when Robot Yamamoto finally shows up at the nightclub Selina, Ann, Dr. Sara are hanging out at (the film has been action-free up until now). While draining her bladder of an alcoholic beverage she mock consumed in order to win a drinking contest in the ladies room, Selina finally comes face-to-face with the robot who killed her human body. After this confrontation, the film is nothing but kung-fu fights, shoot-outs, and instances where white guys, who look nothing like Donal Logue, get their heads severed with wicker briefcases. Actually, that's not true: There's a scene where Robot Yamamoto has another disturbing sexual encounter, this time with Dr. Sara (her Bai Lingual bangs quivering under the weight of his overly robot penis), in a laboratory, and this one where Joe must come to grips with the fact that his large breasted girlfriend has a robot vagina. But other than that, the final third of the film does bear all the markings of your typical Hong Kong action flick. Yet, I thought the sheer amount of sexual weirdness that takes place over the course of the film caused Robotrix to soar well beyond its genre limitations.

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