City Limits (Aaron Lipstadt, 1984)

Even though this is yet another film that is supposedly set in the future, it technically takes place in the past. Um, I think that makes sense. Nevertheless, despite the wonky timeline, City Limits still manages to capture the unwashed disquietude of a world rife with unopened cans of cat food and fingerless gloves as far as the eye can see. How, you might be asking yourself, does it manage to do this? It's simple, really. Costume designer Merril Greene was obviously given free reign when it came time to design the various outre outfits worn by The Clippers and The DA's. And, no, I'm not talking about the NBA franchise, nor am I talking about a group of funkily attired trial lawyers. Believe or not, The Clippers and The DA's are two of L.A.'s toughest bike gangs. Actually, I think they're L.A.'s only bike gangs (they basically run the entire city). Of course, there's not much for them to rule over nowadays... you know, since a mysterious plague wiped out almost the entire population. Needless to say, with no links to the past, the citizens living in this post-apocalyptic paradise have developed their own unorthodox sense of style.

Now, if, say, The Clippers or The DA's were to walk down the street during the pre-apocalypse, they would probably be laughed at (or worse, be accused of being hipsters). However, since the people who would have been doing the majority of the laughing are all dead, it means that Rae Dawn Chong can wear a white fedora with a pink cape covered in black polka dots without having to worry about being judged by the self-appointed fashion police.

If this world sounds too good to be true. Don't worry. The fine folks at Sunya Inc. want to change all that. In a normal movie, Sunya would be the heroes, and bikers the villains. But in a bizarre twist, especially for a movie from the mid-1980's (a period when Charles Bronson/Chuck Norris/Sly Stalone-style vigilantism was all the rage), City Limits implies that the biker way of life is the way of life worth preserving.

Sure, Sunya will tell you that all they want to do is turn the lights on and bring back other essential services to the city. And who in their right mind would be against that? Yeah, but can Rae Dawn Chong still wear flannel shirts with studded collars? (Um, I don't think she wears anything like that in this movie.) Okay, maybe she doesn't wear a flannel shirt with a studded collar. But at least she can if she wants to. When Sunya take over, you can pretty much forget about mixing and matching.

How do I know this? Trust me, if the leader of a powerful, quasi-fascist organization looks like Norbert Weisser, you can pretty much kiss your freedom goodbye.

Oh, crap. It just dawned on me that Mick (Darrell Larson), the leader of The Clippers, sort of looks like Norbert Weisser, who, if I haven't mentioned already, plays Bolo, Sunya's most Germanic honcho. Either way, judging by Norbert's actions, it's clear that Sunya are not to be trusted.
    

Born in the desert and raised by James Earl Jones (his parents died during the plague), Lee (John Stockwell) has grown tired of living in the country, and yearns to go the city. Hopping on his motorbike, Lee rides to L.A. with the hope of joining The Clippers.

Now, this may come across as a tad dickish, but any review for City Limits that fails to give props to Mitchell Froom's score should be discounted immediately. Seriously, it's that good. Sure, it sounds a lot like Mr. Froom's Café Flesh score. But as almost everyone knows, the Café Flesh score is one of the greatest scores of all-time. In other words, you could view City Limits as the real Café Flesh 2 (no offense to the late great Antonio Passolini - a.k.a. Johnny Jump-Up). Except instead of being about Sex Negatives looking for post-nuke thrills at a club run by Tantala Ray, it's about... Come to think of it, the plots of the two films are eerily similar. Of course, no one expels seminal fluid on anyone in City Limits. Which is a shame, as I was hoping to see James Earl Jones blast his CNN-bank rolled seed all over Pamela Ludwig's alabaster backside.

Don't look at me that way. It's clear to anyone with eyes that James Earl Jones and Pamela Ludwig (Over the Edge) do more than bond over model airplanes in this movie.

Anyway, after being initiated, Lee is accepted into The Clipper fold. Oh, wait. It would seem that Ray (Danny De La Paz), the leader of The DA's, wants Lee dead. You see, one of The DA's was killed during the chase involving Lee. So, Ray wants restitution.

Instead handing Lee over, Whitey (John Diehl), or maybe it was Sammy (Don Keith Opper)... Whoever it was, trial by combat is put forth as a possible solution. I liked how the idea comes from issue #43 of Insect Man, a comic book that serves as a sort of bible in this film's universe. In a way, it reminded me of how the Earth book "Chicago Mobs of the Twenties" shaped the residents of Sigma Iotia II in the Star Trek episode, "A Piece of the Action."

The cool thing about the trial by combat sequence is that Jennifer Balgobin (Dr. Calgari and Repo Man) is the one The DA's  choose to fight Lee. Any time I can add a Jennifer Balgobin movie to my list of Jennifer Balgobin movies that I've seen is a reason to celebrate. Watch out, Out of Bounds, you're next!

If you look closely, you can spot Jennifer Balgobin busting out some sweet ninja moves during the climatic battle scene as well.

The reason there's a climatic battle scene is because The Clippers refuse to cooperate with Sunya. Managing somehow to convince Ray and The DA's that working with Sunya is in their best interest, the corporation, lead by Robby Benson, seem to be having trouble convincing The Clippers.

When asking nicely gets them nowhere, Sunya resort to acts of violence. It's at around this time that Wickings (Kim Cattrall), an idealist Sunya employee, realizes that the company she works for is super-nefarious. Of course, by the time she figures this out, it's too late.

With the majority of their members either dead or being subjected to Sunya sponsored re-education seminars, The Clippers find themselves with their backs against the wall. Will these freedom-loving, motorcycle-riding, flamboyantly-dressed samurai ass-clowns be able to retake their half of the city from a heavily armed group of jumpsuit-wearing fascists? Probably. I mean, sure, the odds are not exactly in their favour. But I bet they got a few tricks up their puffy sleeve.

The most puzzling question has to be: Why did Mystery Science Theater 3000 feature this movie on their show? I thought they only watched bad movies, and City Limits is not even close to being a bad movie. Weird. At any rate, if you like films like, Café Flesh, Punk Vacation, Roller Blade and Shredder Orpheus, you should give this film a whirl.

Miracle Mile (Steve De Jarnatt, 1988)

I'm having a bit of trouble understanding why Anthony Edwards' Harry Washello jumped out of the back of that moving food truck near the beginning of Miracle Mile. Oh, I get it, he wants to rescue Julie Peters, the woman he met at The Page Museum the previous day. But the funny thing is, Julia Peters isn't played by Betsy Russell. No, she's played by Mare Winningham!?! You see what I'm getting at? Now, I'm not trying to imply that Mare Winningham isn't worth rescuing because she doesn't look like Betsy Russell, it's just that Anthony Edwards just met her... like, five hours ago. However, as Anthony, er, I mean, Harry Washello, says in the film's intro, "Love can sure spin your head around." Meaning, love can make people do crazy things. Whoa, I think better start steering this review into less obnoxious waters. The last thing I want is this to be is one of those Miracle Mile reviews that spends the majority of its time bemoaning the fact that Mare Winningham is no Betsy Russell. And that's what it's starting to become. That being said, the casting of Mare Winningham as the lead's love interest was a bold decision. Which is not that surprising, as the film, written and directed by Steve De Jarnatt (Cherry 2000), is filled with bold (and some idiotic) decisions.

If you think about it, Mare Winningham is the perfect woman for a socially awkward trombone player. (Don't you mean, "socially awkward museum employee who plays the trombone on the side"?) That's just the thing, I always thought Harry Washello worked at The Page Museum (a.k.a. La Brea Tar Pits). But get this, he's doesn't, he's simply a humble trombone player (one who's in town to play a series of concerts).

Okay, now that we've established what Harry Washello does for a living, and tiptoed around the fact that Mare Winningham is an unconventional leading lady, it needs to be said, and as often as possible, that Miracle Mile is a top-notch thriller.

Seriously, the moment Harry Washello (Anthony Edwards) enters Johnie's Coffee Shop at the corner of Wilshire Boulevard and Fairfax Avenue, I was transfixed. Which is not something I can say about a lot of films. Most movies are a real chore to sit through. Either they fail to hold my attention or are just stuffed with superfluous nonsense.

Anyway, getting back to the scene in the museum. Even though I initially thought Harry Washello was employed at the museum and that Julie Peters (Mare Winningham) was a teacher leading her students on a field trip (she's not a teacher, but a waitress at Johnie's), nothing can damper the sight of the two colossal dorks playfully flirting with one another to the synthy sounds of Tangerine Dream.

Thinking that he's blown it with Julie, Harry goes out to wallow in self-pity near La Brea Tar Pits. But wait, what's this? It's Julie (if you look closely, you'll notice that her purple tights are pressing against her aching girl-maw with the force of a thousand vice grips). It's turns out he hasn't blown it. In fact, that exact opposite is true, as the two embark on a whirlwind romantic adventure. We're talking merry-go-rounds, impromptu lobster liberation, the works, baby.

Oh, and if you thought the music of Tangerine Dream was great during the opening scene, you should hear the piece used during the scene where a bird inadvertently knocks out the power at Harry's hotel. (Wait, what?) A bird tries to use a lit cigarette (one that Harry tossed on the ground) as nesting material. And since the bird's nest lies on a bunch of wires, the fire it sparks causes the hotel's power to go out. As I was saying, the music used  here is my favourite out of all the Tangerine Dream compositions heard throughout this movie, as it perfectly sets up the events that are about to unfold.

Since the power outage causes Harry's alarm to not go off, he ends up missing his rendezvous with Julie; the plan was to pick her up at Johnie's when she got off work at midnight. Sleeping till 3:45am, a panic-stricken Harry rushes over to Johnie's. Of course, Julie isn't there (she would be insane to wait that long). What Harry does find when he gets there is an odd assortment of characters, a revolving digital clock and a ringing pay-telephone.

While Harry should technically ignore these things, especially the ringing pay-phone (no good can ever come from answering one), the person on the other end of the line, time and the early morning diner crowd are what give him a slight edge in the not being vaporized by a nuclear explosion department.

According to the person on the other end of the line, a nuclear war is about to get underway, and L.A. basin is going to be, to quote Jenette Goldstein, "a total overkill zone."

Now, some of the folks in the diner believe what Harry tells them. O-Lan Jones (who, of course, plays a waitress), Alan Rosenberg (a street-cleaner), Robert DoQui (Fred the cook), Diane Delano (a stewardess) and, most importantly, Denise Crosby (a.k.a. The Woman with the Mobile Phone), for instance, are convinced he's telling the truth. Whereas, Roger the Transvestite (Danny De La Paz, 3:15), Claude Earl Jones (the other street-cleaner) and Earl Boen's drunk L.A. BBQ expert are less convinced.

The even number between those who believed Harry and those who didn't helped add to the sense of realism. I mean, would you really believe the half-baked ramblings of some stranger in a diner at 4am?

However, it was the way Denise Crosby reacts to certain things that Harry says that convinced me that shit was about to get real. Plus, she carries a mobile phone (only important people carried them back then).

Taking notes on what transpires after Harry takes the phone call proved to be quite difficult, as the film never really gives you a chance to catch your breath. Shot in real time, Miracle Mile is a relentlessly paced thriller that only follows Harry's valiant attempt to rescue Julie, who, like the rest of the city, is sound asleep.

As that damned revolving digital clock constantly reminds us, time of the essence. In other words, will Harry be able to get Julie to the top of 5900 Wilshire Boulevard before the missiles start landing? Or, more importantly, will Harry be able to find a helicopter pilot at 5am? Obviously I'm not going to say. But I will say this, the parts of the film that depict the various reactions of the sleeping masses when they finally find out what's happening are truly terrifying.

3:15 (Larry Gross, 1986)

When I saw Lori Eastside hanging out with the Cobras, the baddest street gang this side of Wilshire Blvd., in the opening scene of 3:15 (a.k.a. Showdown at Lincoln High), I thought to myself: Yay! Add another Lori Eastside movie to my ever-growing list of Lori Eastside movies that I have seen with my eyes. Tickled pink that I had just increased my cinematic output, vis–à–vis, Lori Eastside-based cinema, right out of the gate, I prepared myself for the inevitable letdown that was surely to come when I found out that she was basically an extra. Oh, how wrong I was. Granted, her role is still pretty chintzy, but I have two words for you, my friend: Weaponized scrunchies. That's right, Lori Eastside (Downtown 81, Get Crazy and Fear City), who plays Patch, the leader of the female wing of the Cobras, the Cobrettes, uses her ponytail as a weapon. Now, if you saw a woman employ her ponytail as a weapon, what would you say to them? I'll tell you what you would say... No, wait. Let's let the Cobrette played by Gina Gershon tell us what we should say. Whilst in the ladies room adjusting their hair and make-up, Gina Gershon sees Patches putting the finishing touches on her weaponized scrunchie. And, as any sane person would, Gina Gershon declares Patches to be, and I quote, "so fucking cool."

You said it, honey. And, by the way, you're kind of fucking cool yourself, if you don't mind my saying so. What am I saying? Kind of fucking cool? You're a lot of fucking cool. I mean, it's 1986, you look like Gina Gershon, and you're a member of a gang called the "Cobrettes. Of course you're fucking cool.

Okay, now that we've established that Lori Eastside's Patches and Gine Gershon's unnamed Cobrette character are both fucking cool, we can safely move on to describing the plot or some shit like that.

Or can we? I don't know 'bout you, but the blonde Cobrette in the black stockings looks an awful lot like Christina Beck, the actress who appears in three of Penelope Spheeris' punk rock movies (Suburbia, Dudes and The Boys Next Door); I know, The Boys Next Door isn't technically a punk rock movie, but it has punks in it. At least I think it does...

Anyway, the reason the blonde Cobrette in the black stockings looks an awful lot like Christina Beck is because she is Christina Beck.

All right, let's re-establish where we stand. This movie, which, like I said earlier, is called 3:15, features Lori Eastside, Gina Gershon and Christina Beck as members of the Cobrettes, the all-girl offshoot of the most feared gang in the city.

Most feared in the city?!? That might be pushing it. But if you were to calculate their badness based solely on the swagger they display in the opening scene, they be pretty bad.

Only problem being, the Cobras lose Jeff Hannah (Adam Baldwin), their toughest member, after their leader, Cinco (Danny De La Paz), kills a rival gang member during a rumble outside a hamburger joint.

Even though he still has the Cobra tattoo on his arm, from this day forward, Jeff wants nothing to do with the gang; he throws his Cobra jacket on the ground to signify his withdrawal from the Cobra fold.

After a year passes, you would have thought that Cinco would have forgiven Jeff for leaving the Cobras. But this couldn't be further from the truth. Cinco still feels betrayed. And so does Lora (Wendy Barry), Jeff's crazy-eyed Cobrette girlfriend, who's relationship with Jeff ended the second his Cobra coat hit the cold concrete.

As expected, things are a tad awkward for Jeff while at school, as the halls of Lincoln High, a graffiti-adorned, gang-ridden paradise, are replete with enemies.

Is Lincoln High really a high school? From my vantage point, it looked more like a prison. The way the gangs congregated in this fenced in area reminded of a prison yard. The fact that all the gangs were made up of members of the same race only added to the school's prison vibe.

However, not all the gangs are like this. While the Tams, the school's Asian gang, and the M-16's, the school's black gang (who are lead by Mario Van Peebles and dress like Cuban revolutionaries) are homogeneous, the Cobras have a mixture of Latino and white members.

Breaking up the serenity of this "gangsta's paradise" is a massive drug bust (set to "All Lined Up" by Shriekback). Initiated by Horner (Rene Auberjonois), the school's warden-esque principal, and Moran (Ed Lauter), Horner's police confidante, the bust targets the Cobra's elaborate narcotics operation. Unfortunately, however, the bust does nothing but open up old wounds, as Cinco blames Jeff for his arrest.

While it's clear to anyone with half a brain that Jeff had nothing to do with Cinco's arrest, that doesn't matter, as Cinco has the excuse he needs and plans on exploiting it to the max.

This puts Jeff in a tight spot. You see, Horner and Moran want him to testify against Cinco, but by doing so would expose him as a narc to the rest of the school.

If that wasn't enough, Sherry (Deborah Foreman), his new, non-gang-affiliated girlfriend, doesn't seem realize that the school she attends is a hellhole.

I mean, you're wearing a teal sweater vest?!? I'm not saying your wardrobe should be devoid of teal, or turquoise or cyan, for that matter. I'm just saying it should better reflect the temperament of the school you attend.

No wonder Patches gives Sherry the stink-eye when she sees you walking down the hall. Though, to be fair, I think Patches looks at everyone that way. That being said, Patches does resent the fact that Lora and Sherry have made positive inroads in the dating world. And how do you think Patches expresses these feelings of resentment? You got it, she does so by swinging her weaponized ponytail at those she feels have wronged her.

Call me deranged, but I loved the scene where Patches and the rest of the Cobrettes (including Gina Gershon and Christina Beck) beat up Deborah Foreman in the ladies crapper.

The film's title refers to the time when Jeff must face the Cobras, and once and for all, exorcise the demons of his past. Who will stand with Jeff against the Cobras? The Tams? The M-16's? His floppy and curly-haired friends? Don't count on it. No, the answer to that question might surprise you. A high school movie with prison movie overtones, 3:15 is gritty and overly serious at times. That being said, you'd be nuts to skip this film, as it's an authentic snapshot of 1980s fashion and youth culture.