Thursday, February 28, 2013

The Tiffany Minx (Roberta Findlay, 1981)

Sex, money, rape, and murder all coalesce into one mighty fine stew in...The Tiffany Minx, Roberta Findlay's logical follow up to A Woman's Torment. Wait a second, follow up?!? Wasn't A Woman's Torment made in 1977? Yeah, so? Well, you have...The Tiffany Minx listed as coming out in 1981. Again, yeah, so? What I'm trying to say is, that's not exactly what I would call a "follow up" (four years is practically an eternity in erotic horror terms). In today's fact-deficient culture, who really cares about release dates? I mean, Marlene Willoughby's willowy frame and Crystal Sync's succinct cunt are patiently waiting to receive the fawning praise they so rightly deserve, and here I am talking about release dates? That's–and I'm sure most of you will agree–some pretty fucked up shit. Besides, it's obvious A Woman's Torment and...The Tiffany Minx were made at the same time. How so? I'll tell you how so, Crystal Sync wears the same dress in both films. And not only that, Jeffrey Hurst's back is hairy in both films as well. Think about it, if it was really 1981, don't you think that Jeffrey wouldn't have gotten it shaved, or, at the very least, trimmed a bit, by the time 1981 rolled around? No, these films are both products of the mid-to-late 1970s (and they have the hairy ass cracks to prove it). Um, that's great and all. But what about Marlene Willoughby's willowy frame and Crystal Sync's succinct cunt? Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about them. Just kidding, those two things are never far from my mind.
When I first saw the trailer for...The Tiffany Minx, I thought to myself: I need stop what I'm doing and go see...The Tiffany Minx. Brilliantly edited and narrated by a woman who seems to whisper all her lines, the trailer immediately sucked me into its melodramatic world of sex and violence. Oh, and the reason I pause every time I say...The Tiffany Minx, is because that's what the voiceover lady does in the trailer, and I just like the way it sounds. Anyway, the trailer's biggest draw was Marlene Willoughby's willowy frame and stunning face. In fact, every time Marlene Willoughby would appear in the trailer my guts would go gooey. I don't know, there's just something about her that brings out the animal in me. And by "animal," I mean a small woodland creature with low self-esteem.  
The moment I saw Marlene Willoughby's brief appearance in Waterpower (you might remember, she played the nurse who assists Dr. Eric Edwards with the film's first enema), I knew right away that there was something special about her; I'm convinced that the shape of her face has healing powers (though, it should be said, that I feel the same way about the faces that belong to Sharon Mitchell and Lois Ayres). After a lengthy period of time that boasted no Marlene Willoughby, I saw her again in A Woman's Torment. Unfortunately, her role was a non-sex-related. On the bright side, she does deliver a deftly comedic performance as the nosy Fannie Grudkow. While it was nice to see Marlene Willoughby in a film again, it was obvious, judging by my naked writhing, that I wanted more.
Will...The Tiffany Minx provide me the Marlene Willoughby that I so wantonly crave? Stay tuned to find out, as I, and by "I," I mean, "we," delve once again into the cinematic meat grinder that is the world of Roberta Findlay, and carefully examine the erotic tour de force that is...The Tiffany Minx.
Why is Carter Stevens, sans pants, cutting the garter belt attached to a passed out Robin Sane with a pair of scissors? I have no idea, but it's 2:30am and the fun has apparently just begun. Entering the room with a forceful swagger, a black hold-up stockings/satin panties clad Samantha Fox is ready to get fucked. Accompanied by her brunette boy toy (David Morris), Samantha asks Carter Stevens if they can violate the pussy of his passed out companion. While Carter Stevens goes to the kitchen to get a snack, Samantha Fox and David Morris proceed to rape the unconscious Robin Sane (who, according to Carter Stevens, drank two bottles of champagne). In order to get her in the mood, the brunette boy toy licks Samantha's pussy through her satin panties ("I like the feeling of satin rubbing against my pussy"). As the boy toy is giving Robin and Samantha each a piece of his cock, Carter Stevens is on the phone.  
As far as opening scenes go, the one in...The Tiffany Minx is pretty confusing. I mean, who are these people? None of them look like Marlene Willoughby or Crystal Sync. Well, Carter Stevens' phone conversation is the only aspect that's integral to the film's plot (the identity of the person on the other end of the line isn't revealed). Everything else is just Samantha Fox in black hold-up stockings-related gravy to feed the raincoat crowd.
Woo-hoo! The luminous Crystal Sync makes an appearance immediately after the boy toy had finished dispensing his future stain onto Samantha Fox's chest. Standing by the pool in a white bikini, Jessica Grover (Crystal Sync) is talking to her husband, Paul (Jeffrey Hurst), on the phone. While I can't remember exactly what the topic of their conversation was (I was too busy drinking in Miss Sync's sexiness), I bet it's got something to do with Anne.
Who's Anne, you ask? She's a woman who works with Jess's husband (real estate is his game). And not only that, Jess thinks Paul is having an affair with her. This Anne woman would have to be pretty spectacular to drive Paul to cheat. I mean, let's get real. His wife looks like Crystal Sync. It all starts makes sense once we get our first look at this Anne character. Do I have to spell it out? Anne is played by–yeah, you guessed it–Marlene Willoughby. Wait a second. You mean to tell me this Paul fella is married to Crystal Sync and is having an affair with Marlene Willoughby? Paul is my new hero.
Don't put your dick in Paul's ass just yet. You see, he's got a scheme going. A scheme? Yeah, a scheme. His wife is loaded. And according to the rooftop chat we're privy to that takes place between Paul and Anne, there's plan afoot to bilk her of her family fortune.

In meantime, Paul and Anne consummate their sinister alliance with a little bedroom sexual intercourse. Ah, bedroom sexual intercourse. It's where straight people fuck. You mean? Yes, we get to see Marlane Willoughby's slender body in the throes of passion. Tasty. Spoon position, moan, "I want it," your pussy looks like Gene Shalit, skinny arms, doggie style, blow job, moan, spoon position, male orgasm, pubic hair/stomach. I like the way Marlene Willoughby would occasionally look over her shoulder in order to keep tabs on what her lover's cock was doing to her shalit-esque pussy.
While Anne's 'O' face managed to retain its 'O'-ness throughout her encounter with her lover's cock, the same can't be said for the intruder/rapist who decides to pay Jess a visit. His 'O' face quickly turns to his 'Ow' face, as Jess plunges a pair of scissors into his back mere moments after he spewed his rape wad on her stomach. And get this, the intruder/rapist was played by Carter Stevens. You mean the same guy from the opening scene? The very same. Wow, I mean, wow. That's weird, wild stuff.
Calling her husband immediately, Anne comforts Jess (Marlene Willoughby and Crystal should hug more often) as Paul handles the police. Still stressed about the rape, and the fact that she killed a man, Jess tries to put it all behind her. Of course, seeing the newspaper, headline, "L.I. Woman Kills Rapist," isn't helping matters. To make things even worse, the byline reads: "Cool Canadian Air Due Overnight." That's it, blame Canada for all your troubles.
The alluring Marlene Willoughby gives the first of her many evil eyebrow lifts during a phone conversation with Paul. If you haven't guessed by now, they're up to something. Anyway, I dug the manner in which Marlene Willoughby says, "Yes, an accident...a fatal accident." The instant she says this, I preformed a mental fist pump. As in, yeah, baby! *mental fist pump* You're thin, you're fabulous, you're a colossal hosebeast, and you're campy as fuck. In other words, I love you.
A surprise birthday party for Jess doesn't go as planned as she loses her shit during the cake cutting ceremony (knives still creep her out). Realizing their plan is "on the verge of being a rousing success," Paul and Anne celebrate their duplicity by kissing one another. Little do they know, but Jess spots them swapping mouth fluid. Busted! Keeping what she saw to herself, Jess agrees that it's a good idea for her go some place quiet and secluded. Oh, I know where she should go, the Fire Island beach house from A Woman's Torment. It's almost as if she was reading my mind, because that's exactly where she decides to go.
A weird scene involving a guy named Matt (Robert Kerman) and two women, a blonde (Merle Michaels) and a brunette (Candida Royalle), fills the space between Jess's decision to go the beach house and her eventually arrival. After the blonde and brunette finish sixty-nining each other, Matt receives a blow job from the blonde.
We soon find out why Matt has been added to the mix, as he's in cahoots with Pinky (Jennifer Jordan), who just happens to be the woman who lives in the beach house next to the one Jess will be staying at. To welcome Jess to her new digs, Paul let's Jess sit on his cock, or I should say, Jess let's Paul put his cock where Jess sits.
I'm curious. How did Anne feel about all this cock sitting? Why don't you ask her? She's sulking in a slinky blue nightgown in the room next-door. Whatever. Even while sulking, Marlane Willoughby manages maintain her fabulousness. 
In the blue corner, weighing in at a hundred pounds soaking wet, wearing the green head scarf, from Detroit, Michigan, Marlene Willoughby. Willoughby!
And in the red corner, weighing in at none of your fucking business, wearing the white bikini, from parts unknown, Crystal Sync. Sync!
When we see Jennifer Jordan's Pinky sitting cross-legged on the deck of Jessica's beach house, are her shapely legs sheathed in: A) Hold-up stockings B) Stockings attached to a garter belt C) Suspender hose, or D) Pantyhose? To find out the answer to this question, you'll have to watch...The Tiffany Minx.  
Every time Pinky says her signature line, "If you know what I mean," you have to take a sip of tea. Did you just invent a... The Tiffany Minx drinking game? 'Well, whatta ya know? It looks like I just did. 
Who is...The Tiffany Minx? Personally, I think it's rather obvious. Nevertheless...The Tiffany Minx packs an emotional punch, with a twist ending that will leave you in awe. Okay, maybe that's a little on the strong side. Let's just say, the film's tag line, "the first adult film for adults," isn't that far off, as the film is surprisingly intelligent (the plot is as tight as Marlene Willoughby's mouth-watering pussy), it's violent, it's well-acted (the five principal actors are all uniformly excellent), and is quite sophisticated in places. The unedited trailer for...The Tiffany Minx can be found on the Roberta Findlay Cult '70s Porno Director DVD and the Doris Wishman Cult 70's Porno Director DVD. Beware...the minx.

an edited version of the infamous tiffany minx trailer has recently been uploaded by permateen (major kudos to them)


  1. oh my.


    This entire review is one of your very best. The Marlene Willoughby versus Crystal Sync boxing/wrestling ring bit was a stroke of pure genius.

    Roberta Findlay, or maybe just your reviews of her films, are confusing my previously held views of porn as yucky and misogynistic cinema of shame and death. Or something.

  2. Thanks, ido.

    Yay! I love confusing previously held views. ;)

    Seriously, tough, I'm very particular when it comes to choosing the porn I review on here.

  3. Oh, and I just watched "Necropolis," and would like to join your digital cult of LeeAnne Baker worship. Its a crime to film that she wasn't noticed by more directors and didn't have a longer career. Just her presence elevates a bargain-basement horror film into something almost sublime at points. And the ending WAS satisfying to me. Long story short: more and longer ritualized dance numbers.

  4. When I heard you were getting Necropolis, I put aside a few minutes and watched my favourite LeeAnne related scenes.

    "More and longer ritualized dance numbers." You got that right.

    Speaking of being right, you're right about the key scene. As it would have been nice to see LeeAnne put on The Devil's Ring.

  5. @yum-yum: Which version of "Necropolis" did you watch? I actually downloaded an excellent, extremely clear transfer. I watched this first. Today the Full Moon dvd I ordered for $5 came. I just skipped around to see how it compared. Like everything that awful rip-off company puts out, it looks like garbage. Its horribly dark during the opening sequence. And of course you can hardly tell whats happening during most of the night scenes. Awful. They even have the gall to say "Most of these films were old or lost in the 80s, or were transferred from VHS bits" before the film. If this is the only way people can see the film than they may not like it.

    I know you don't like downloading movies. But if you are interested in actually seeing LeeAnne Baker's performance the way it should be, email me at Serious.

  6. Don't feel too bad for me. I mean, it's not the end of the world. But yeah, I watched the Full Moon version.

  7. I stayed up all night crying my eyes out feeling bad for you. I thought the world was coming to an end. I sobbed "damn you Full Moon" into my tear stained pillow.