Another Day, Another Man (Doris Wishman, 1966)

What's with all the close up shots of women's legs and feet? Seriously, who in their right mind wants to see women's legs and feet shoved in their face over and over again for seventy minutes straight? And not only that, all the women's legs and feet are encased in stockings. I mean, enough already. Ha, Ha, I'm just kidding around. Pretty funny, eh? Yeah, I'm quite the card. You have to admit, though, I had you all fooled there for a second, didn't I? What's that? Oh, you knew I was kidding all along. Hmmm, I wonder what gave me away? Nonetheless, the movie I'm currently writing about is Another Day, Another Man, written and directed by Doris Wishman from 1966, and it's the kind of film that would make Jess Franco stand up in the middle of the theatre after the words "The End" popped up on the screen and declare it to be the leggiest thing they have ever seen (yeah, it's that leggy). Actually, now that I think about it, there's a kernel of truth to what I said earlier about there being too much legginess. You see, there are moments during this film where even I thought to myself: Really, another close up shot of Barbara Kemp's legs? As this on the cusp of being sensible thought zipped through my mind, it would occasionally bump into the legs and stockings-obsessed reprobate that rules over the inside portion of my brain with a shapely nylon-covered fist.

Of course, my depraved thoughts would eventually overwhelm anything coming close to resembling a sensible thought. But the fact that I was questioning Doris Wishman's camera placement at all was a bit of an eye opener for me.

Yet, despite these sensible thoughts, I have no choice but to declare Another Day, Another Man pretty much perfect as far as cinematic entertainment goes. Sure, the film relies too much on archival footage, but as far as perverted camera angles; unnecessary close ups of legs, feet and inanimate objects; never having the person reciting dialogue appear onscreen; and scenes that boast distressed blondes cradling their faces in her their hands go, this is pure Doris Wishman-based awesomeness from start to finish.

If you don't mind, I'd like to explain the whole not having "the person reciting dialogue appear onscreen." Instead of bothering to match the actors mouth movements with their respective dialogue during post-production, Doris simply doesn't shoot them when they talk. For example, if newlyweds Steve (Agustin Mayor) and Ann Bundy (Barabra Kemp) are speaking to one another, the one doing the talking is usually off-screen. In other words, rarely do we ever see an actor uttering words onscreen. It's a technique that was clearly devised to cut corners (they can dub in any dialogue they want without having to worry about it their film turning into a badly dubbed kung-fu flick). But from an artistic perspective, it does give her films a decidedly off-kilter aura about them.

And no one, and I mean, no one, gives inanimate objects as much screen time as Doris Wishman does. House plants, telephones, ashtrays, garbage pails, creepy clown paintings, radios, flowers, they all get their moment to shine in this film.

Is a beehive hairdo considered an inanimate object? The only reason I ask is because the beehive hairdo Barbara Kemp sports in this film seems to exist as a separate entity.

I don't know about being a "separate entity," but there's absolutely nothing inanimate about it. Tall, thick, ultra conical and robust as all get out, Barbara Kemp's beehive hairdo is a natural wonder to behold. However, did anyone notice that Steve, who, in case you forgot, is her husband, doesn't compliment her hair once in this film? Not once. Not even a... "Why, honey, your hair looks absolutely stunning today." Though, now that I think about it, he should really think about dropping the "today," as she might interpret it to mean that hair didn't look stunning the day before. Yeah, definitely the lose the "today."

Anyway, Steve needs to find a way to acknowledge all the hard work his wife puts into her hair without having it backfire on him.

As the credits start, we hear a familiar ditty playing on the soundtrack. Why, it's the music of composer Syd Dale. Most fans of (s)exploitation cinema will recognize this track immediately, as it's featured in the intros for all movies Something Weird Video release on video.

The young, recently married couple I mentioned earlier meet in Central Park. Implying that he has good news to tell her, Steve puts off telling Ann, who is wearing a fur coat, until they get to their spot. It turns out "their spot" is a giant rock, which Ann climbs on top of, causing her legs to dangle in a pleasing manner. Informing Ann that he just a got raise, Steve is excited because they can now move into their own apartment. In a bizarre twist, however, it would seem that Ann has kept her marriage to Steve a secret, as her boss doesn't want married women in the office. When I heard her say this, I was all like, What?!? I know, it's 1966 and all, but I don't think he's allowed to hire people based on their martial status.

Promising her friend and roommate that she would meet with her, Ann blows off her husband's dinner plans to have a chat with Tess (Mary O'Hara), a "really stacked" blonde hooker. Their chat doesn't really go anywhere, as all Tess does is smoke and pace about the apartment.

Well, that was a waste of time, it's time for bed. And you what that means? Yep, it's time for them to change out of their clothes. Yeah, don't bother going to your bedrooms to change, just get undressed in the middle of the living room. Take your time ladies, there's no rush. As they're removing their stockings, Ann tells Tess that she should stay away from Bert (Sam Stewart), her unruly pimp.

"No lectures please, Mrs. Prim," Tess fires back at Ann, as she rolls one of her stockings down her leg.

Okay, when I said "take your time ladies," I didn't think you would take what I said seriously. This has got to be the longest scene to feature two women getting undressed in film history.

Carried over the threshold of their new apartment, the second Steve puts down Ann, she starts exploring every nook and cranny of the place. I'm surprised she didn't become violently ill the second she saw that couch (blegh). The scene ends with Steve telling Ann that she's wonderful and the camera zooming straight towards Steve's crotch.

We finally meet Tess' pimp Bert in the next scene. And judging by the way he talks to Tess, he's obviously an asshole.

Sitting on Steve's lap in their new kitchen, Ann drones on and on about her dreams and aspirations. This does not bode well. I mean, the way she went on like that lead me to believe that things will probably not end well for the happy couple. I know, it's still early. But you should have heard her, she was laying it on pretty thick. Though, I could only gauge the thickness of her laying on technique by the timbre of her voice, as Doris' camera was mostly trained on Ann's legs during this scene.

From marital bliss in a state of the art kitchen, to curvy blondes lounging in black negligees, Another Day, Another Man does an excellent job showcasing the dichotomy between the lives of Ann, an upstanding citizen with killer gams, and Tess, a crass streetwalker.

In order to kill some time, Bert narrates a lengthy sequence that sheds some unnecessary light on how he became the pimp he is today. Focusing on his efforts to turn out Dolly (Darlene Bennett) and Daisy (Dawn Bennett), a pair of brunette twins, the sequence uses footage taken from what looks like another movie all-together.

The star of Bad Girls Go to Hell, Gigi Darlene, also makes an appearance as a woman Bert picks up at the bus station. Watch the intricate hip work Gigi employs as she shakes her moneymaker in nothing but her bra and panties, it's downright hypnotic.

When Steve falls ill, Ann reacts to this news by becoming a prostitute. I know, it doesn't seem very logical, but that's what she decides to do. That being said, I have yet to see a woman in a Doris Wishman film do anything that comes close to being logical. I was going to say, there must be other jobs in New York City. But then again, working as a prostitute does pay 200(!) bucks a week.

What ensues during Ann's stint as a prostitute is a veritable cornucopia of stockings, legs, cleavage, legs, feet, shoes, garbage pails, house plants, legs, black lace body stockings, thongs, cartons of milk, ankles, beehive hairdos, heels and black lace panties.

Managing to be sexy without showing a single nipple, Another Day, Another Man is erotic cinema done right. Campy and weird in the best way imaginable, the film is technically a cautionary tale. But, I, for the life of me, had no idea what to be cautious about after the film was over. Hold up, I think I do. When a loved one mysteriously falls ill, don't immediately become a prostitute. Wait a couple of hours. In other words, think about what you're getting into. The more you know.

Bad Girls Go to Hell (Doris Wishman, 1965)

Most people use their hands to pick things up. I've even read that some people use their hands to throw the very things they just picked up, and get paid handsomely to do so. Others, I've been told, use their hands to strike objects. Personally, when I'm not spastically dancing to "Moving Hands" by Belgium's The Klinik, I like to scratch and grope things with my hands. Whether I'm doing it to myself or to complete strangers on public transit, nothing beats a good scratch and/or grope. Now that I've established what normal people like to do with their hands, what if I told you there's a film character out there who uses her hands almost exclusively to subdue their pain and suffering? After experiencing something that causes her... pain and suffering, troubled blonde Meg Kelton/Ellen Green (Gigi Darlene) takes her hands and either places them on her head (usually over her temples) or over the entirety of her face. Are you sitting down? Good. Because I counted eight separate incidents in Doris Wishman's Bad Girls Go to Hell where Meg/Ellen uses this method (hand therapy, if you will) to soothe her... pain and suffering. The reason I asked if you were sitting down was because I didn't think you could handle the thought of a troubled blonde in so much agony. I mean, think about it. There are eight separate incidents. The movie is barely an hour long. In other words, that's a shitload of angst for one blonde, troubled or otherwise, to experience over such a short amount of time.

In order to fill in the gaps that don't feature Gigi Darlene cradling her head and face in her hands, we watch as the gorgeous Dawn Bennett retrieves a cold beverage from the refrigerator while wearing a black lace body-stocking.

As I watched her struggle to open the can containing her cool beverage, I thought to myself: This should be the entire movie. I know, there's no way the sight of Dawn Bennett wandering around her apartment in a perpetual daze while wearing a black lace body-stocking could be stretched out to the time necessary to pass as a feature length movie. But, I have to say, this film comes pretty close to making my dream come true.

Meaning, I better get used to the sight of Dawn Bennett performing mundane tasks while wearing a black lace body-stocking, as it eats up a good chunk of this film's running time.

Which reminds me, Dawn Bennett, who plays Della, is never once seen cradling her head or face with her hands. You wanna know why? She's got better things to do than pretend her hands can placate her misery.

As we already know, Della likes to use her hands to open drinks. But more importantly, she employs her hands to bring out lesbianism in others. Not sure you're a dyke? Here's a free tip: Before heading down to your local Subaru dealership to pick out a shiny new Lesbaru Outback (the automotive choice for discerning lesbians six years running), let Della feel you up first. If anyone knows how to jump-start authentic lesbianism, it's Della.

At any rate, as I was saying earlier, a troubled blonde uses her hands a total of eight times to mollify the pain and suffering she experiences over the course of Bad Girls Go to Hell. Let's celebrate each face covering incident in the order they occur, shall we?

#1 -- Nearly raped by her building's janitor in the stairwell, Meg/Ellen throws her black lace negligee sheathed body on her gaudy sofa and uses it and her hands to alleviate the trauma of the unsavoury ordeal she just experienced.

#2 -- Crushing the skull of the building's janitor during his second attempt to rape her, Meg/Ellen returns to her apartment and takes a moment to ease her stress by covering her eyes and forehead with her hand. If you're worried that Meg/Ellen's hair will hamper her ability to ease her stress with her hand, not to fear, she's wearing a headband, which does an amazing job of keeping her hair away from her eyes and forehead, a.k.a., her primary stress zones.

#3 -- Instead of sticking around to face the music, Meg/Ellen decides to flee to New York City. Sitting on a park bench, she contemplates this decision the best way she knows how. Yep, you guessed it, by holding her head in her hands. Noticing the destitute troubled blonde sitting on a park bench with her head in her hands, Ed Baines (Sam Stewart) approaches her.

#4 -- While living with Ed Baines, Meg, who, ever since the incident with the janitor, is pretending to be Ellen Green from Chicago, clutches her head after Ed rejects her attempt to come on to him. It would seem that Ed is a recovering alcoholic, and it only takes a couple of drinks (Meg/Ellen found a bottle of cooking sherry hidden under the sink) for him to beat Meg/Ellen with his belt. As Ed is sleeping it off, Meg/Ellen quietly slips out the door.

#5 -- After giving Della, who wears black lace panties underneath her black lace body-stocking (oh, the lace-based redundancy of it all), a demonstration of her skills as an acrobat, Meg/Ellen runs from the room in a huff. Later on, she can be seen brooding on the sofa. And what's the best way to for a shapely blonde to brood while wearing nothing but a black bra, black lace panties and a black pumps? (How the hell should I know?) Haven't you been paying attention? The best way for a shapely blonde to brood while wearing next to nothing is to support her head with her hands. Duh.

#6 -- The act of renting a room for twenty bucks a week from a married couple looked like it might be able to relieve a smattering of her sorrow. But wouldn't you know it, the second she sits on her bed, a tsunami of stress-related self-doubt washes over her. Unsure if this is the right place for her, Meg/Ellen manifests this stress-related self-doubt by resting her head in her hands.

#7 -- Out getting pills for the semi-invalid she's been hired to take of, Meg/Ellen feels like she's being followed by a strange man. Rushing back, Meg/Ellen runs to straight to her room, sits on the bed and cradles her paranoid head in her hands like a new born baby.

#8 -- Waking up back where she started, Meg tells her husband Ted (Alan Feinstein), as he's walking out the door, that she doesn't understand what's happening (he brushes off her concerns with a nonchalant brand of mid-1960s male indifference). And what's happening is clearly a nightmare. In order to convey this to the audience, Meg covers her face with her hands one last time. When will this nightmare be over?, she must be thinking to herself, as the placement of her hands slowly causes the world around her to grow dark.

Damn, I wasn't kidding around. I just listed eight separate instances where a troubled blonde covers her face as a direct result of stress.

It should go without saying, but out of all the hand-related head cushioning scenes featured in this movie, the hand-related head cushioning that takes place at Della's apartment was definitely my favourite. Of course, it wasn't my favourite in terms of actually supporting one's head with their hands (that would be #4, the head cradling that takes place at Ed's). No, it's my favourite mainly because Dawn Bennett is so freakin' alluring as Della. Seriously, I could watch her perform even most mundane of tasks. And on top of that, Meg/Ellen's hand cradling at Della's not really stress-related, it has more to do with the guilt she feels for being attracted to Della.

You can't really blame her for that. I mean, look at her! She's got that certain something. (And a modicum of junk in her trunk.) That, too.

I also liked the fact that she had four beauty marks on her face. (Um, I think they're called moles.) You bite your tongue! They're beauty marks, and I don't you forget it.

The film's best Doris Wishman sanctioned inanimate object moment comes when Della is drinking a beer. Resting it on a cabinet after taking a couple of swigs, Della proceeds to change out of her black lace body-stocking and into more conventional underwear (a black bra and charcoal grey panties). As she's doing this, Doris Wishman makes sure to periodically check on how her can of beer is holding up by training her camera on it every now and then.

As far as lingerie goes, you can't really beat Della's black lace body-stocking. However, the scene where Meg/Ellen removes her dress to reveal a black slip with fringe on the bottom and tan stockings should not be discounted. Those who do so, do so at their own peril. Oh, and before I go, it should be noted that Meg/Ellen is one of the most irrational characters in movie history. Which, of course, is just another reason why her character and this film are so great.