A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (Renny Harlin, 1988)

I've noticed recently that after each subsequent "Nightmare" film has ended, I've gotten into this weird habit of checking to see if there's a sequel (I know they made a lot of them, but I'm not quite sure how many exactly - Eight? Ten? Fifteen? Who knows?). And when I would discover that there was in fact a sequel, I would think to myself: Okay, if this one's lame, that's it, I'm pulling the plug on my self-imposed A Nightmare on Elm Street marathon. As you might expect, when it came time to sit down and watch A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, I thought for sure that my days as a chronic A Nightmare on Elm Street watcher were coming to an end. Well, will wonders never cease. Not only was A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master worthy of my time, it's whole premise is based on the Freddy-stopping power of a magic spiky bracelet. Initially worn by a big haired Dynasty fan/exercise enthusiast named Debbie (Deb to her friends), the magic spiky bracelet is given to "The Dream Master," who proceeds to use it to extract the souls of her dead friends from the body of one Friedrich von Krüger. Okay, maybe I'm overstating the importance of Deb's spiky bracelet. But what happens to Deb the moment she takes off the spiky bracelet? That's right. She gets turned into a cockroach. Now, I can't guarantee that wouldn't have occurred had she kept the spiky bracelet on. However, and most entomologists will back me up on this one, the only surefire way to prevent human to insect metamorphosis is to decorate your wrists and arms with ornamental bands, hoops and chains that sport studs and spikes. It's not only fashion, it's science.

While we get see Deb (Brooke Theiss) talk trigonometry with Toy Newkirk, work the lunch counter at a local diner, attend the funeral of a fellow teen and pump iron in her garage, the film, directed with an unnecessary amount of flair by Renny Harlin, is actually about a twitchy blonde and a daydreaming redhead.

Remember the Kristen/Kirsten character from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors? Well, this film continues right where Dream Warriors left off. Except, Kristen (the twitchiest blonde of the franchise... so far) is now played by Tuesday Knight (Patricia Arquette portrayed Kristen in the previous chapter of the Freddy saga). Granted, it takes a few moments to get used to Tuesday Knight as Kristen. But once I saw her smoking a cigarette by her bedroom window in a leggy manner, I totally accepted her. Gooble-gobble.

The fact Tuesday's aura in this film was eerily similar to that of Wendy Lyon, the star of Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II, was also a deciding factor. I love Wendy Lyon in that flick.

Oh, and did I mention that Tuesday Knight sings the film's theme song, "Running from this Nightmare"? Well, she does. And it's great.

Since no one really wants to watch a complete rehash of the previous film, we're introduced to Alice (Lisa Wilcox), the daydreaming redhead. The sister of Rick (Andras Jones), Kristen's boyfriend, Alice does the bulk of her dreaming– you guessed it–during the day.

Worried that Freddy is coming back from the dead... again, Kristen starts to harass Kincaid (Ken Sagoes) and Joey (Rodney Eastman), her fellow survivors from part three, by bringing them into her dreams. Clearly irritated by this unwelcome blast from the past (their attitude is, been there, done that), Kincaid and Joey try to convince Kristen that Freddy's dead. Good luck with that, fellas. This chick sees Freddy everywhere. Seriously, though, she can feel his presence.

Of course, when Kincaid wakes up in the Freddy's junkyard burial ground and Joey is confronted by a topless Hope Marie Carlton in his bedroom, things start to get real. Well, not too real. The deaths of two teens doesn't seem to phase anyone in this movie. Sure, Kristen tries to sound the alarm, but no one seems to be in the mood for some twitchy blonde's bullshit.

Imagine how different these movies would have been had Hope Marie Carlton played Freddy instead of Robert Englund? At any rate, the cool thing about Joey's confrontation with Hope Marie Carlton is that implies that Joey still has a thing for hot blondes (Joey, if you remember, is sexually attracted to the blonde nurse from part three - she ties him to a bed with sentient tongues).

If they won't listen to Kristen, maybe they'll listen to Alice, who, like Kristen, seems to have strange powers. Fat chance. I mean, if Kristen's mom won't listen, no one will (unless she wasn't paying attention to what happened in part three). Which reminds me, Kristen's mom is yet again played the gorgeous Brooke Bundy, whose milfy allure is just as milfy and just as alluring as it was in the previous film.

Did any of what I just wrote make any sense? No, not the Brooke Bundy part, her milf-appeal is pretty straight-forward. I'm referring to the part of about Kristen and Alice's strange powers. Ah, it doesn't matter.

One of my favourite things about this franchise is how the police are hardly ever involved. Featured in the first film, the police, since then, have obviously found better things to do than spend their time solving a series of murders involving teens. Truthfully, they would just get in the way. Of course, knowing my luck, the next movie is most likely going to be crawling with cops.

No, I like how the adults, other than Fred Krueger himself, rarely ever effect the trajectory of the plot. And because of this, extra pressure is put on the film's youthful characters to put a stop to Freddy's murderous ways. You could view these films as a cautionary tale about the dangers of vigilantism. After all, if it wasn't for the actions parents of the dead "Elm Street" teens from the previous movies, all those kids would still be alive.

Yeah, I understand that Fred Krueger would have continued to murder children had they (the parents) decided not to set him on fire. But... Actually, why was Fred not in jail? I remember hearing something about him getting off on a technically, but still, that doesn't make a lot of sense. It just proves my point that the police in this town are completely useless. Maybe the films aren't a "cautionary tale about the dangers of vigilantism," maybe they're pro-vigilantism. They were filmed during a time when vigilantism was all the rage. And it's probably no coincidence that the first film came out around the same time Bernhard Goetz was gunning down muggers in the New York City subway (late 1984).

On a less profound note, I thought the scene where Deb is turned into a cockroach was freakin' sweet and the part where Rick practices martial arts to Dramarama's "Anything, Anything" was oddly inspirational.

Even though I'm probably only halfway done with these movies, I think I can safely declare that the Nightmare series to be the best horror franchise in movie history. I know, that's a bold statement. But I can't find anything to complain about. Whereas, the Friday the 13th movies are filled with stuff to complain about (to be fair, the Friday the 13th films are downright awful). The Freddy movies, on the other hand, seem to be brimming with creativity. And they're well-directed and they fully embrace the spirit of the 1980s (the fashion, music and culture of the decade are always on display... at least they are in the sequels).

Of course, I probably should have waited until I'd seen a couple more of the sequels before making a statement like this. Nevertheless, I just wanted to point out that A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors and A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master are some of the least annoying horror sequels I've ever seen. Oh, if you don't see any reviews for the nightmare sequels that followed part four posted in the not-so distant future, it's probably because they sucked. Either that, or I choked to death on a sausage roll. Happy Festivus!

A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (Chuck Russell, 1987)

To be fair, Heather Langenkamp's Nancy Thompson was only sixteen or seventeen years-old in the first movie (even though, according to her, she looked twenty). In other words, I shouldn't have expected too much, as far as sophistication goes, when it came to her clothes and make-up. Unwilling to cut her and her movie a break, I deemed A Nightmare on Elm Street as un-reviewable after it was over. Not giving me much to work with when it came to style and fashion, I rejected the film on that basis, and that basis alone. Don't get me wrong, the film, written and directed by Wes Craven (The People Under the Stairs), is definitely well-made. It just failed to move me. On the other hand, A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge did nothing but move me. Seriously, I love that movie. With my interest in the Freddy K. saga reinvigorated thanks to the gayest horror sequel the 1980s ever produced, I was ready to continue my journey down Elm Street. Unfortunately, the first name listed in the opening credits for A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors was Heather Langenkamp. This caused me much alarm, as I feared that part three would be a repeat of what happened in the first film. Sure, this one is directed by Chuck Russell, who also made the amazing remake of The Blob. But that being said, my expectations, I have to say, were pretty low as things got underway.

My mood perked up almost immediately, however, as Chuck Russell's immense talent as a filmmaker is clearly evident in the opening scene. Which features Patricia Arquette's Kirsten Parker wandering through a creepy nightmare-world. It's true, all the films in the series so far (even Mahalkaal, the Bollywood remake of the first film) boast opening scenes that feature frightened dreamers exploring the sinister confines of their own nightmares. But the scene that opens A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors is way more polished than the others.

So, like I said, I was in a good mood. What I mean is. I'm not going to let Heather Langenkamp's lack of flair in the fashion department ruin what could potentially be a pretty effective horror sequel.

After Kristen Parker's weird dream is over, her mega-milf of a mom, Elaine (the smokin' hot Brooke Bundy), finds her in the bathroom in the process of slitting her wrists. Even though we know that Fred Krueger (Robert Englund) is the one responsible for the wrist cutting, her mom sends her to a  juvenile psych ward run by... YES!!!! The  juvenile psych ward Kirsten is sent to is run by Craig Wasson, who played the white pantie-loving, porn-curious voyeur in Body Double.

Just as an orderly named Max (Larry Fishburne) is finishing up giving the audience a tour of the ward, we hear a commotion transpiring down the hall. It would seem that Kristen is having a bit of a conniption fit. Grabbing a scalpel, Kirsten threatens to cut anyone, including Craig Wasson's Neil Gordon and Max the orderly, who stands in her way.

As she's singing the One, Two, Freddy's Coming For You nursery rhyme, and about to really go off the deep end, an über-chic woman walks in the door and defuses the situation with a devil may care brand of elan. Hugging the über-chic woman, as the hospital staff look on with amazement, Kristen... Hold on. I don't believe this. The über-chic woman is Heather Langenkamp!

I don't know what happened between the first movie and this one, but Nancy Thompson is no longer the gawky teen with terrible taste in clothes we once knew. No, what you're looking at now is a modern woman who knows how to throw together an ensemble in a pinch.

We're talking blazers, skirts with slits, pumps, hats, shawls, pearls, lipstick, earrings, and blouses... lot's of blouses. (Don't forget, she carries a purse now.) Oh, yeah. She carries a purse. You see, teenagers don't have much use for purses. Adult women, however, need purses. After all, where else are they gonna put their experimental anti-psychotic medication?

Oh, haven't you heard? Nancy Thompson takes this drug to keep Fred Krueger at bay. She suggests to Neil that his patients, including Kristen; Kincaid, a.k.a. "Cool Breeze" (Ken Sagos); Joey (Rodney Eastman); Phillip, a.k.a. "The Walker" (Bradley Gregg); Jennifer (Penelope Sudrow); Will, a.k.a. "The Wizard Master" (Ira Heiden); and Taryn (Jennifer Rubin), take the drug as well, but he's a tad hesitant, as he doesn't buy the whole "a knife-glove-wielding serial killer is tormenting the children of the parents who burned him to death in their dreams" story.

During her first night at the hospital, Kirsten is confronted in her dreams by Fred Krueger. Except, instead of simply slashing her to death with his knife-glove, Fred transforms himself into a giant worm. As the Fred worm is consuming Kristen, she decides to yell out Nancy's name. And lo and behold, Nancy hears her, and, get this, enters Kirsten's dream to help her. (Wait, she can do that?) Apparently. It's a pretty cool addition to the mythology.

The next day, all the patient characters I mentioned earlier and Nancy and Neil partake in a group session, where "straight-talk" is encouraged. Other than Taryn's weird hand gestures, the only other thing worth noting about this scene is that Phillip has a lot of dialogue. Hmm, I wonder if he's going to be Fred's first victim.

As Nancy and Neil talk Hypnocil (an experimental anti-psychotic medication) at Springwood's best and only Thai restaurant, and Joey and Will sleep in shifts (the logic being, they can wake each other if their dreams get too intense), Phillip begins to sleepwalk through the ward. Sounds innocent enough. Except, Phillip, a guy who makes marionette puppets in his spare time, is being controlled by Fred. And instead of using puppet string, Fred is using Phillip's tend... You know what? I can't finish talking about this scene. It has to be one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen.
  

While not as disturbing as the tendon puppet scene, the TV room scene is just as memorable. It also causes you to start paying attention to what the characters are saying. You see, Phillip mentions that he likes to make his own puppets, and he's killed in the manner I alluded to earlier. And the TV room character says something about wanting to be on television someday.

Well, I guess you can't really pay attention to what Joey says, as he doesn't talk. But he does openly lust after  Nurse Marcie (Stacey Alden), who, for some strange reason, doesn't wear white stockings (she does wear a white thong, though). Meaning, you can expect Fred to use Joey's thing for Nurse Marcie when it comes to time to fuck his shit up.

Anyway, the fact that each character's run-in with Fred corresponds with an aspect of their personality is one of the film's strong points. My favourite run-in, of course, being Fred's back-alley confrontation with Taryn, whose dream persona is a double switchblade-wielding punk rocker.

When I first saw Taryn (moping the halls of the hospital like a unkempt rag-doll), I was like: Why is she so goddamn frumpy? I mean, someone lend this girl a hair brush, stat. Little did I know that they were going to give her the punk makeover to end all punk makeovers later on in the movie.

Oh, and being that she's a recovering drug addict, Taryn should expect Fred to use her addiction against her when the time comes.

When it becomes obvious that Freddy plans on bumping off the youthful patients one by one, Nancy, Kristen and those not killed yet, decide to confront him as a team, or, you could say, confront him as "dream warriors."

While I'll admit, I have a major soft spot for A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, I can't deny that A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors is superior in almost every way imaginable. Now, granted, it doesn't have part two's gay subtext, but there's more to life than gay subtexts. Seriously, the so-called "kills" are so wonderfully inventive, that you'll have no choice to look past the fact that it has zero gay subtext. Or maybe it does (have a gay subtext), and I just missed it. Nah.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge (Jack Sholder, 1985)

If anyone can expose the hetero-erotic subtext that lies beneath the surface of A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge, it's me. Hey, what can I say? Uncovering Hollywood's super-secret heterosexual agenda is sort of my thing. (Um, I don't mean to cut you off while you're on a role, but don't you mean, homosexual agenda?) Why would I mean that? It's obvious to anyone with a brain that kinda functions that A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge is the gayest non-gay porn movie to come out of the 1980s. (Even gayer than Night Warning?) Way gayer. When I read that A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge had a reputation in some circles for being pretty gay, I thought to myself: I'll be the judge of that. Well, it took me maybe, oh, I don't know, two or three seconds to decide whether or not this film, directed by Jack Sholder (Crawlspace), was in fact the gayest thing since assless leather chaps. (So, is it mega-gay or what?) Oh, I'm sorry. I thought I made myself clear. Anyway, when a shirtless Mark Patton wakes covered in sweat after the opening dream sequence (a non-burnt Fred Krueger drives our dreaming hero over a cliff in a school bus), I threw up my hands and said: I give up! In other words, fasten your seat-belts, things are about to get fab-u-lous! *snap* That being said. I'm still going to do my darndest to uncover this film's murky heterosexual underbelly. After all, the film's female lead is played by none other than Kim Myers (State Park), and her freckled gorgeousness will not go unappreciated by this viewer.

Even though Kim Myers' Lisa Webber has got that alabaster skin thing going for her, and, not to mention, the shapeliest, creamiest legs in the entire tri-state area, Mark Patton's Jesse Walsh has not only got his gym teacher, Coach Schneider (Marshall Bell), trying to fix him up with Ron Grady (Robert Rusler), the school's hunkiest bad boy, but he's got this child killing burn victim in a crumpled fedora making a serious play for the ownership of his gay sex worthy organic structure.

You could say that Jesse and Grady were destined to be together. Nevertheless, Coach Schneider (a gay leather enthusiast/gay teen matchmaker), makes sure, just in case, by having them do push-ups and running laps together.

As for Fred Krueger (Robert Englund), the aforementioned child killing burn victim, his job is to make sure Lisa's pussy is sufficiently clam-jammed at all times. Meaning, whenever Lisa seems close to snagging herself a pristine piece of oh-so delicious boy-cunt, Fred would step in and deny her of her firm reward. And who do you think Jesse will turn to for comfort? That's right, he runs straight to Grady.

Sure, he would sometimes run straight to Ron's Place, the coolest gay industrial goth leather bar in town (despite the fact that Coach Schneider is a regular). But trust me, he would rather be with the man he loves.

Oh, Grady! Penetrate my freshman asshole with your thick cock underneath your brand-new Limahl poster.

While it's true that Jesse loves Grady. Don't underestimate Lisa's resolve. She's got a few tricks up her sleeve. What am I talking about? A few tricks? She could definitely fit more than a few tricks up her sleeve. (What on earth are you babbling about?) It being 1985 and all, the style of shirts Lisa likes to wear are pretty generous when it comes to material. So, if she wanted to shove some tricks up there, she could stuff a healthy amount.

If you don't remember what I wrote in my review for A Nightmare on Elm Street, that makes perfect sense, because I didn't write one. I was going to write one, but there was hardly anything in the film that struck my fancy. Don't get me wrong, it's a well-made film, but it's no A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge. Seriously, this movie rules. In fact, I'm gonna go ahead and declare it to be the best film in the Freddy franchise. It's true, I've only seen the original and Mahakaal (the Bollywood remake) so far. But I don't think any of them can touch Freddy's Revenge in terms of quality.

If you don't believe me. Check out the scene where Lisa tries to put the moves on Jesse in the change room at her backyard pool party. Not only does it feature twenty-something teenage girls frolicking pool-side to Bobby Orlando's "Whisper to a Scream," the gay tension in that change room is so thick, you could cut it with a beadazzled switchblade.

While it might seem that Fred Krueger has been reduced to playing Cupid to closeted LGBT youth, his motives are still sinister and shit. In other words, I wouldn't underestimate him. Tormenting Jesse Walsh, whose family just moved into the house featured in the first film, via his dreams... his sweaty homoerotic dreams, Fred hopes to take over the gay teens body, so that he can start killing teens in the real world. After asking him politely to use his body (Jesse says no), Fred resorts to demonic chicanery.

He may not be, to quote Grady, "mounting her nightly," but Jesse has an ally in the form of Lisa Webber, a classmate he drives to school in "The Deadly Dinosaur," the nickname of his 1966 Dodge Dart GT convertible. Actually, to call Lisa Webber an ally is a bit of an understatement. She not only finds the diary of the girl Fred hassled in the first film, she tells Jesse about Fred's origins as a child killing serial killer and eventually confronts Fred in a final girl-style showdown in a factory filled with steamy valves.

In a strange twist, the film is chock-full of dudes being butchered (okay, chock-full is somewhat of an exaggeration... two dudes and a couple of guys at the pool party are butchered). Nevertheless, it still manages have, like the first film did, a strong female heroine at its core. It's true, Lisa Webber is, thanks to screenwriter David Chaskin, surrounded by gayness (Jesse's late night trip to Don's Place looked like an outtake from Cruising), but she's not going to let the fact that her boyfriend is gay get in the way of preventing a knife-glove-wearing psychopath from consuming his soul.

Like I said earlier, I'm kinda new to the Freddy franchise. However, I must say, I thought A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge is not only better than all the Friday the 13th movies I've seen, it's one the best films of 1980s. Granted, a big reason I think this is because of the film's homoerotic subtext. But when you combine that with Kim Myers (who is hands down one of the most attractive/alluring final girls of all-time), Mark Patton (who gives a surprisingly strong performance) and some of the song choices ("Touch Me... All Night Long"), you can't deny its place in the pantheon of great '80s horror movies. Or maybe you can... what do I know?

Oh, and even though I don't think the words "dream" and "job" really go together, my "dream job" is to be the girl's archery teacher at the high school in this movie. If you look closely, you'll notice the girl's archery teacher is wearing, along with a pair of sunglasses, a green "Kill 'Em All... Let God Sort 'Em Out!" t-shirt. In other words, where do I sign up?