Sunday, January 29, 2017

Furious (1984)

What the fuck?!? What the fuck?!? Seriously, Furious. What the fuck?!? Reluctant to watch your stupid ass because, you know, you're a martial arts movie. I hunkered down for what was surely going to be yet another movie where bad actors kicked one another in the face for ninety minutes straight. Boy, was I wrong. Sure, people do get kicked in the face plenty of times during the course of this movie. But damn, there's something definitely off about Furious. Like I said, I didn't really want to watch this movie. And obviously didn't want to review it. But the movie repeatedly gave me no choice. I mean, you simply can't ignore some of the weird shit that takes place in this movie. I just couldn't believe what was transpiring on-screen half the time. It's also true that I lost track of the plot at about the two minute mark. Nevertheless, the sheer quality of the unvarnished meshuganah that writer-director's Tim Everitt and Tom Sartori put out there is a sight to behold. Again, I feel I should point out whenever possible that this film is a martial arts film. Meaning, it's basically wall-to-wall fight scenes. However, there's nothing ordinary about the way these fight scenes are staged. Of course, to the untrained eye, it will look like your standard chop-socky fair. But I'm telling you, this film is insanity personified.

Should I mention the chickens? (I think you better. I mean, a Furious review that fails to mention the chickens isn't really being honest with itself.) Yeah, you're absolutely right. The chickens are the pinnacle of this film's bat-shit appeal.

The lead bad guy, Master Chan, I think, has a henchman with a Fu Manchu mustache who shoots chickens from his hands. Wait, that can't be right. Let me double check that. Yep, he sure does... shoot (live) chickens from his hands. And get this, he's pig, too. A garrulous one to boot (he lays down a huge chunk of exposition for our hero to consume). Of course, the piggy spiel didn't help me understand what was going on. But still, a talking pig who used to be a Fu Manchu mustache-sporting, live chicken shooting henchmen. Now that's fucked up.

How about that Devo-esque band who are seen playing inside of Master Chan's steel and glass lair? Fucked up.

Or that old lady eating chicken? Yeah, that was fucked up.

Don't forget the guy in the fur hat. What was his deal? Sure, that was fucked up, too. I mean, who does kung-fu while wearing a fur hat? Madness, pure madness.

While the film asks more questions than it answers. You can't help but admire the oft-kilter manner in which it implements its idiotic ideas.

Should I attempt to recap of the film's plot? I'm kind of curious to see what I come up with. Truth be told. There's no plot to recap. Well, that's not entirely true. From what I gathered, a martial arts teacher named Simon (Simon Rhee) wants to avenge the death of her sister at the hands of bunch fur hat wearing hosers who yell "Coo loo coo coo, coo coo coo coo" every now and then.

After the last fur hat guy standing takes away Simon's sister's magic horn, things become a bit of a blur. Hold on, I seem to recall Simon, and three white friends, fighting a bunch of people outside a Chinese restaurant.

Granted, I have no clue why they were fighting. Which is usually a bad thing when it comes to action movies. But it doesn't really matter at the end of the day. It doesn't make a lick of sense, and there's no fashion or anything that could come close to being construed as sleazy, but I'd put Furious is up there with likes of Roller Blade, "GETEVEN" and Miami Connection in terms low budget genre films that manage to create unique, lived in worlds that percolate originality, verve and  good old fashioned gumption.

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