Into the Night (John Landis, 1985)

As with most people, my initial thoughts after watching John Landis' Into the Night revolved around the unequaled chic-ness that is Michelle Pfeiffer's red leather jacket. If you find yourself not enamored with it after watching this film, check yourself in at the nearest morgue, 'cause you be dead, honey. Okay, maybe that's a tad harsh, but you should definitely seek professional help. I mean, it's red, it's shiny, it's fits her perfectly, it has multiple uses (it's used as a pillow at one point), and it's, well, you get the idea. However, as these thoughts eventually subsided, I started to debate with myself about whether or not the iconic red leather jacket would have looked better on Dedee Pfeiffer, Michelle's less famous sister. I know, I just got finished saying that the jacket fit Michelle Pfeiffer perfectly. Yet I couldn't help but imagine Dedee Pfeiffer wearing the much-ballyhooed garment. To make matters worse, Dedee Pfeiffer has a cameo as a prostitute turning tricks outside Frederick's of Hollywood. In case you haven't figured it out, when it comes to the Pfeiffer sisters, I'm on Team Dedee. While Michelle has the haunting eyes and the chiseled cheekbones thing going for her, Dedee has spunk-appeal.

Wow, are my priorities out of whack or what? In a movie that boasts at least a dozen cameos by famous directors, the cameo I decide to focus on is the one by the spunk-laden sister of the film's female lead.

Actually, if you think about it, my priorities are not out of whack, they're kinda in whack. Seriously, who would you rather grope in the backseat of your grandma's sister's cousin's Chevrolet El Camino? Dedee Pfeiffer or Paul Mazursky? (I don't think the Chevy El Camino has a backseat.) Okay, the front seat. Well? Who would you rather grope? Exactly, Dedee all the way.

Of course, if I had said Amy Heckerling (who has a cameo as a waitress) instead of Mr. Mazursky, the question becomes a real mind-scrambler, as Amy is a total babe. But I didn't. Besides, the majority of the directors are middle-aged white men. Not that there's anything wrong with being middle-aged, or white for that matter, it's just that...

Moving on, you could call this the L.A. version of After Hours, but I won't. Why? It's simple, really, all they have in common is that they both take place at night. Sure, Jeff Goldblum and Griffin Dunne (the star of After Hours) have similar character traits, and they both have tedious jobs, but other than that, they're totally different. And I think the main reason has to do with the fact that L.A. is a car town, while New York City is not.

Playing aerospace engineer Ed Okin, Jeff Goldblum drives or is driven in at least six different cars over the course of this movie. Isn't that fascinating? Anyway, the car we first see Ed in is as bland as he is. Stuck in traffic with a co-worker (Dan Aykroyd), Ed says that he hasn't had a full night sleep since the summer of 1980. While he's exaggerating to some degree, his lack of shut-eye is having a negative effect on his work. After blowing it in front of his boss (David Cronenberg) at an important board meeting, Ed decides to take the rest of the day off. When he gets home, he hears his real estate agent wife (Stacey Pickren) making sex noises in their bedroom.

Taking Dan Aykroyd's advice, a despondent Ed elects to hop on a board a midnight flight to Las Vegas. Getting as far as the airport parking garage, Ed meets a woman named Diana (Michelle Pfeiffer), who jumps on the hood of his car screaming for help.

What's that? Oh, the reason she's screaming is because four SAVAK goons (one played by John Landis) are trying to kill her. Why are they trying to kill her? Well, I don't know if they want to kill her, at least not right away. You see, they want what's inside her pussy. I won't say exactly what it is that the Iranians want, but trust me, to them it's worth what they go through to get inside there. And by "there," I mean her pussy.

At this point in the film, Ed makes multiple attempts to extract himself from this sticky pickle of a situation. However, you'll notice that he isn't trying very hard. The thing is, a lot of men find Michelle Pfeiffer to be easy on the eyes. And because of this, Michelle Pfeiffer is able to manipulate almost every man she comes in contact with. The reason I say "almost" is because Diana's Elvis-loving brother (Bruce McGill) is clearly not swayed by her sister's overt attractiveness.

I thought it was amusing that Michelle Pfeiffer tries to out bluster Bruce McGill in his Elvis memorabilia adorned apartment. Give it up, girl, you can't upstage Bruce McGill. He'll straight-up knock your dick in the dirt. Just ask Wings Hauser ("Wipe that smirk off your face!"). Or even Crocket and Tubbs, who Bruce mops the floor with in "Out Where the Buses Don't Run," one of the best Miami Vice episodes from season two.

"You wanna date? Do you want to party?" and with those memorable lines, we're introduced to Dedee Pfeiffer, prostitute, humanitarian. Her crimped blonde hair glowing in the neon slime, her Retail Slut belts zigzagging across her womanly waste with a clingy form of clingy desperation, her zebra print skirt practically begging to be hiked up during the throes of... Wait, where is she going? Why don't Ed and Diana want to "party" with Dedee Pfeiffer? This makes no sense.

Now, I won't say Into the Night goes completely downhill/off the rails after Dedee Pfeiffer exits stage left; after all, a well-built Kathryn Harrold is still to come. But I was somewhat crestfallen by her departure. That being said, on top of the luminous Miss Harrold, the film also boasts a scene where three extras playing beauty queens are getting their legs polished by a female crew member.

After surviving multiple attempts on their life, including one by an assassin played by David Bowie (it would seem that the Iranians are not the only ones who want to get their hands on what's inside Michelle Pfeiffer's pussy), Ed and Diana begin to... well, you pretty much know exactly what they begin to do. They begin to fall for one another. Despite this cliched turn of events, the movie is still a mildly entertaining mish-mash of comedy and action.

If you're not into comedy and action, you could always play spot the director, as the film, like I said earlier, features numerous cameos by famous directors, including personal faves like, Amy Heckerling (Fast Times at Ridgemont High), Paul Bartel (Eating Raoul) and David Cronenberg (Rabid).

Oh, and the scene where the four SAVAK goons drown one of their victims in the ocean is one of the most disturbing murder scenes in film history. Okay, maybe that's pushing it a bit. Nevertheless, I found the cavalier brutality of the scene to be quite jarring, especially since the film is supposedly a light-hearted buddy comedy.

Christiane F. (Uli Edel, 1981)

Just recently, I decided to cease watching a culturally irrelevant reality show that I had been diligently tuning into for the past twelve years. (I know, what a colossal waste of time). Now, I don't want to say the name of the particular program, especially not out loud, as I would rather not sully this space with its stupid ass name. But let's just say, it's one the original shows that launched the so-called reality show craze that has been infecting our attention deficit disorder-laden consciousness like a bad head cold for nearly a decade and a half. Am I attempting to compare my decision to stop to watching a television show to heroin withdrawal? No, I am not. What I'm doing is, I'm trying to tap into the mindset of an addict. You see, I'm not addicted to anything. Sure, I'm addicted to glamour. But then again, who isn't? Seriously, though, forced Party Monster references aside, I can't picture myself getting to a place where I'm desperate enough to sell my Universal Indicator (Red) 12 inch to a guy on the street for seventeen bucks in order to feed my debilitating drug habit. Well, at least not when I was fourteen. And that's exactly the age of the protagonist who wanders, well, staggers, she mostly staggers, the austere nooks and crannies of  the Bahnhof Zoo in Christiane F., the gritty West Berlin-set drug addiction movie that manages to depress and inspire in equal measure. Yes, I'm afraid, as downbeat as this film is, it will cause a fair amount of inspiration. Of course, I'm not implying that the film, directed by Uli Edel and based on the non-fiction book Christiane F. – We Children from Bahnhof Zoo, will motivate young people to dabble with intravenous drug use and teenage prostitution. What I am saying is, it will inspire young people to become David Bowie fans. And the powers that be don't want that, as they fear The Thin White Duke. They fear him? The guy who's married to Iman and sang "China Girl"? I can see them fearing Judas Priest or Motörhead, but David Bowie? You bet they do. Bands like the one's I just mentioned inspire nothing more than uncouth behaviour in parking lots. On the other hand, David Bowie inspires creativity and open-mindedness in others.

 

 

Unfortunately, none of that occurs to a Berlin teenager named Christiane (Natja Brunckhorst), who contradicts everything I just said about David Bowie fans by going on the world's most dramatic downward spiral. "Oh my T V C one five, oh oh, T V C one five."
 

 

When we first meet Christiane, she seems like the last person you'd expect to see turning tricks to buy junk. But that's the power of liquid sky, it can alter the DNA of even the most innocuous of souls.
 

 

Looming large over the proceedings, the music of David Bowie drives the early scenes of the movie (the eerie "V-2 Schneider" opens the film). However, it's a poster for a niteclub called simply "Sound," Europe's latest discotheque, that pushes Christiane toward her date with cult movie infamy. Using a well-connected friend, Kessi (Daniela Jaeger), Christiane is able to enter its neon-adorned doors with minimal hassle (the age requirement to enter is apparently sixteen, but they don't seem that interested in enforcing it).  Surveying the scene with a wide-eyed sense of  wonder, Christiane orders a "cherry juice" and absorbs the glossy splendour percolating before her very eyes, as David Bowie's "Look Back in Anger" ("waiting so long, I've been waiting so...") blasts triumphantly in the background.
 

 

On top of being the place to listen to David Bowie music while sipping on cherry juice, Sound also has its own movie theatre. Playing Night of the Living Dead, Christiane is set up with some guy who is all hands. Unimpressed by his pawing antics, Christiane heads to the washroom to try the acid she was given. As she's doing so, she spots a guy passed out in one of the stalls with a needle sticking out of in his arm. Thinking he's dead, Christiane runs out of the club, where she proceeds to vomit.
 

 

Remember when Christiane was surveying the scene? Well, you'll notice as she's doing so that she shares a brief yet telling glance with a guy with a teenage mustache. Now, I didn't think much of it when it occurs, but that glance actually spoke volumes. Guess who's there to hand Christiane a napkin after she's finished throwing up? That's right. It's faint mustache boy. And from now on, he's not faint mustache boy, he's Detlev (Thomas Haustein), the second most important character in the Christiane F. universe.
 

 

Oh, and the guy in the toilet stall wasn't dead. Sure, he may look like a living corpse, but he ain't dead.
 

 

What kind of person gives a David Bowie fan "Changesonebowie" as a present? I guess it's the thought that counts (the boyfriend of Christiane's mother gives her the album as a gift).

 

 

Is there anything more exhilarating than a bunch of unruly teens running through an empty shopping mall to the sound David Bowie's "Heroes"? Epic. Iconic. Badass. On a personal note, the moment I first heard "Heroes" back in the day was when I first realized that David Bowie was cool. You see, when I was introduced to David Bowie, it was via "Let's Dance" and "Modern Love." Don't get me wrong, they're good songs, but they don't quite reach the coolness level of "Heroes." And the way the song used in Christiane F. only managed to solidify its coolness.
 

 

Worshiping him as if he really were a hero, Christiane looks up to Detlev; she even gives herself the same exact hand tattoo as him. Only problem is, Detlev doesn't seem to feel the same way about her. Spotting him with another girl at Sound, as David Bowie's "Station to Station" (the "it's too late" part is doing its Bowie thing on the soundtrack), Christiane soon realizes that everyone, and I mean, everyone, in the joint is strung out on heroin. She comes to this conclusion when she looks into the eyes of Axel (Jens Kuphal), one of Detlev's drug buddies.
 

 

This realization becomes even more apparent at the David Bowie concert. As bikers brawl and "Boys Keep Swinging" plays over the venue's P.A. system, Christiane asks Axel, "Apart from me, am I the only one who doesn't shoot up"? Or maybe he asks him that after the concert. Before or after, it doesn't matter, you don't have be a genius to figure out that Christiane feels left out. The decision to start a trendy heroin habit is the hardest decision a teenager has to make. Think about it, once you start, there's no turning back.
 

 

The seconds leading up to Christiane's decision to try heroin are some of the film's most intense. You want her to go home; you might even find yourself yelling "go home" at the screen. But there's nothing you can do to stop a teen who desperately wants to fit in. Hell, even Axel tells her, multiple times, that it's not a good idea. To emphasize the whole "there's no turning back" motif, we're shown a long, dark tunnel after Christiane takes her first hit (instead of shooting up, she snorts it).
 

 

Even though Detlev objects to the fact that Christiane is copying him (the hand tattoo, the trendy heroin habit, etc.), he accepts her into the fold. In other words, Christiane's plan worked perfectly. The downside being, trendy heroin habits cost money. If you're wondering how Detlev manages to afford a trendy heroin habit. He explains to Christiane that he gives men, or "punters," as they're known, handjobs in exchange for cash. And most of these handjobs are performed in and around the Bahnhof Berlin Zoologischer Garten, a.k.a. the "Zoo."
 

 

You know it's only a matter of time before Christiane is shooting up (snorting is for amateurs) and giving handjobs like the rest of her friends. And you know what that means? Cue the downward spiral. If you thought spending all your birthday money on heroin was the definition of rock bottom, you're in for a nasty surprise. When she's not injecting heroin directly into her bloodstream, Christiane spends most of her time looking for her next fix. That's right, heroin addiction is a full-time job. Firmly ensconced within her family of underage drug addicts, including Babsi (Christiane Reichelt), Stella (Kristin Richter), and Bernd (Jan Georg Effler), Christiane seems to be on the road to ruin.
 

 

Despite being hard to watch, there is a glimmer of hope for Christiane and Detlev when they both decide to withdraw together; a harrowing sequence replete emaciated bodies twitching, wallpaper ripping, cramping in the foetal position, and projectile vomit. However, it's obvious that their flirtation with sobriety will be fleeting at best.
 

 

To give everyone a sense of the magnitude of the problem, we follow Christiane as she walks through the subway (David Bowie's "Sense Of Doubt" is playing on the soundtrack), where we get a firsthand look at the sheer size of the city's heroin epidemic. Walking in a perpetual haze, the wide-eyed Natja Brunkhorst we met in the film's opening scenes has long since been replaced by a dark-eyed shell of her former self. Unrelenting in its portrayal of the so-called "lost generation," Christiane F. is beautifully bleak. Yeah, I like that, "beautifully bleak." Not to toot my own horn too loudly, but I think that sums up the appeal of the film perfectly. It's not often that you come across a film that manages to suck you into its frightfully specific universe, but Chrsitiane F. is definitely one of those rare instances where art and tragedy collide to make cinematic gold together.

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