Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Entrails of a Virgin (Kazuo Komizu, 1986)

There's always time to punch the chipmunk. But say you didn't feel like pawing at your own genitals (masturbatory malaise is more widespread than you think), would you except the severed hand a deranged serial killer gave to you to alleviate your auto-erotic distress? Take note, the deranged serial killer cut the hand off solely for the benefit of your aching clitoris. In other words, they saw that you were struggling to come to terms with the fact there were no more sentient cocks left to bounce on top of amidst your peer group, so, excuse the pun, he lent you a hand. Why am I telling you about this disturbing case of severed hand generosity? It's simple, really. It's one of the scenes that stood out for me in Entrails of a Virgin (処女のはらわた), a refreshingly pornographic slasher film (or "splatter-eros film") written and directed by Kazuo Komizu, a.k.a. "Gaira." And by bringing up the severed hand masturbation scene right out of the gate, I have dutifully informed the general populace that this film is not for those who are easily offended. Now that I have done that, I can continue typing words–words that are hopefully relevant to this movie–without having to worry about the upsetting the feelings of the overly sensitive and the uniformly lame. (In your rush to steer the less cool away from your review of this "film," you neglected to mention the fact that the woman who uses a severed hand to achieve a well-earned climax was only wearing one black stocking.) Damn, I must be slipping.

I'll get to the one black stocking in a second, or, I should say, I'll get to the multiple instances where women appear onscreen while wearing one black stocking in a second.

The other point I would like to make regarding this film's many quirks involves proper thrusting etiquette. Meaning, what kind of calamity has to occur to cause a man to cease hurling his pelvic region in the vaginal direction of his female or male sex partner? (Um, if a man is hurling the fleshy contents attached to his pelvic region towards his male sex partner, shouldn't the direction be classified as rectal?) Yes. Yes, it should. But I don't really want to go back and add rectal to the mix. Besides, I've already come too far.

Anyway, it's a question I often ask myself. Say you're plowing into some whore with your penis in a cheap motel, when, all of a sudden, a nuclear bomb goes off in the distance. In the corner of your eye you can see a mushroom cloud starting to form in the sky. Do you: A) Continue humping until your reach orgasm? or B) Stop humping immediately and help the whore to safety? (How 'bout C?) What's C? (You know, do both. Ejaculate sperm and then help the whore to safety?) Yeah. I don't think so. You need to pick one or the other. (Aw, man, this is worse than Sophie's Choice.)

Fuck proper thrusting etiquette, this movie starts off with an outdoor fashion photo shoot. And you know what that means? (Models posing for photographs?) Well, yeah. But it also means fingerless gloves, stockings (or should I say, stocking), tightly bound crotches and naked writhing.

Since almost everyone who appears in this film is currently onscreen, I might as well introduce them. You see the guy barking orders and snapping pics of the models? That's Asaoka (Daiki Katô), he's a bit of a jerk. The fella standing next to him is Tachikawa (Hideki Takahashi), Asaoka's assistant. And the man lurking off in the distance is Itomura (Osamu Tsuruoka), the best way to describe him is "creepy scumbag."

The stressed out looking woman applying makeup to the models is Kazuyo (Naomi Hagio). The model with the short hair wearing one fishnet stocking and posing on the bicycle is Rei (Saeko Kizuki) and the model with long hair posing underneath that fake rainbow prop in the animal print dress is Kei (Megumi Kawashima).

Interspersed between the shots pertaining to the fashion shoot are these flashbacks to when Asaoka and Rei had sex (their genitals are blurred for our protection). It would seem that if one wants to work with Asaoka, you're going to have to have sex with him. The same goes for Itomura. And today he's got his eye on Rei.

I did a search for "Entrails of a Virgin" and "Budweiser," and came up with nothing. Nevertheless, I could have sworn I saw Asaoka and the models drinking Buds in the back of their van. At any rate, getting lost in the fog, the group decide to spend the night in an abandoned house that looks like it's being renovated.

Am I crazy, or is this film starting to resemble your typical slasher film? You know, the kind parodied in There's Nothing Out There? Let me see: 80's synth music? Check. A thick, ominous layer of fog? Check-a-rooni (by the way, you're technically not supposed to add "a-rooni" or any other flourishes for that matter to the word "check" when checking the second item... no, the fourth or fifth would be a more appropriate time to employ "a-rooni"). An abandoned house in the middle of nowhere? Checkmate, motherfucker.

A smallish group of annoying/attractive characters? Check the record. Check the guys track record.

Yeah, but, do any of these so-called typical slasher films feature a scene where a meek photographer's assistant demonstrates his wrestling moves on a stressed out makeup artist wearing black stockings and a garter belt for the amusement of his co-workers? Actually, they might. I'm not sure. Either way, there's one thing Entrails of a Virgin has that its slasher brethren severely lack. And that is, cunnilingus.

Don't believe me? Keep an eye on Itomura's face after he finishes engaging in a raucous bout of a stand-up 69 with Kei, as he is clearly removing an unorganized wad of jet black pubic hair from his teeth. (Wait, I thought Itomura wanted to have sex with Rei?) He did, but he and Asaoka decided to switch at the last minute.

Oh, and don't think Kei is off the hook when it came to removing wads of stuff from her mouth, as she deposits a modest dollop of the mucus-like substance that used to course through the nooks and crannies of his ball sack all over the nice hardwood floors with a resounding blegh.

As far as things being extracted from male and female genitals, the aftermath of the Itomura and Rei's stand up 69 session is pretty great. However, in terms of great in a not-so gross kind of way, I would say the wonderfully gratuitous shots of Kazuyo's lingerie framed crotch were absolute favourite moment in this film. Forced to allow Takahashi to demonstrate his wrestling moves on her, Kazuyo gets a back flip, a pile driver, the back breaker and many other famous wrestling moves performed on her; all the while wearing a black stockings and a garter belt.

After pissing herself (strangely, Kazuyo is wearing her panties over the top of her garter belt - panties, urine-soaked or not, usually go underneath the suspenders attached to your garter belt), Kazuyo passes out. This is when the rest of the group have sex with one another and are confronted by a killer covered in mud. Since he has no one to have sex with, Takahashi is the first to be confronted.

The film really starts to get going when Kazuyo eventually wakes up (since Kazuyo's the only character currently wearing lingerie to my liking, I've slowly gravitated towards her). I don't know what happened to her, but she seems to have lost her mind. Craving cock, the still lingerie clad Kazuyo wanders around desperately looking for something to fuck.

Coming across nothing but limp body parts in her search, Kazuyo goes back inside to masturbate with only one stocking on; I think it was on her left leg. (Is this when the killer cuts off an arm and gives to Kazuyo to masturbate with?) Yep. I'll admit, watching a woman writhing on the bathroom floor in only one stocking trying to achieve an orgasm with a severed arm isn't something you see everyday. And that, in a nutshell, is the main reason to seek out this film, as it blends horror and sex rather effectively in places. Since I couldn't find a clip from this film to my liking on YouTube, here's the awesome music video for "Vanity Angel" by Rebecca...


  1. Nothing is finer than 1980s Japanese fashion. Especially the punk, underground, and bizarrO outlaw looney-tune kind.

    Forget Rebecca. Togawa Jun (and Gastunk) ruled 1986. I've got tickets to see her live again at the end of March!

    1. I don't know if I can (forget Rebecca), as I genuinely like them. :D