Troma's War (1988)

Who would have thought that a meticulously planned full-scale invasion of the United States of America would ultimately be thwarted by a woman wearing yellow flats? Sure, there were others sporting more conventional combat footwear who helped her out. But make no mistake, as far as I'm concerned, it was a practical pair of yellow flats that saved the U.S. from utter annihilation. (Whoa, be careful, man. You're using a lot of words that are considered "red flags" to some.) You mean, flats?!? (No, silly. Words like, "invasion," the "United States of America," and "annihilation," to name a few.) Jeez, you're right. Well, just to let all you paranoid reactionaries out there know, I'm writing about Troma's War, a bloated anti-war satire that envisions a hypothetical scenario that pits a small group of Tromaville residents against a gang of heavily-armed revolutionaries. (Wait, a "gang"? Judging by the sheer volume of heavily-armed revolutionaries killed in this movie, I would say they're a bit bigger than a gang. No, I would say they're an army, pure and simple.) Anyway, why I'm bothering to write about a film that pretty much looks like a nonstarter as far as fashion and titillation goes? Well, you know what they say, looks can be deceiving. Meaning, Lloyd Kaufman and co. have plenty of surprises in store for those of us who are not here to relish in what has to be the largest movie body count of all-time. And I'm not talking about thousands of people being killed off screen in some sort of natural disaster or alien attack, the producers of this film make sure every death is shown in lurid squib-popping detail. Actually, now that I think about it, this flick must feature more squibs than any other film in history.

After thinking about it even more, it's safe to say that Troma's War looks exactly like the kind of movie I would have made...when I was ten years old, as the film is basically a non-stop cavalcade of gun-based violence.

I don't know where to squeeze this thought in, and I definitely don't want to forget, so, I'll just squeeze it in here. My favourite death in Troma's War, and believe me, there are plenty to choose from, has to be the guy who buys it while wearing nothing but a nondescript pair of tighty whities. The way he went flying into that puddle after being shot sent my inner ten year-old into a giddy tailspin. As a person who used to take pride in the manner in which he died, I give this particular death a ten out of ten.

Oh, and what I mean when I say that took pride in dying has to do with the fact dying was my favourite part of playing war in the school yard. What can I say? Some people enjoy killing, I prefer dying.

A Tromaville Airlines flight crashes on the beach of tropical island in the Caribbean. Amidst the rubble and the bodies of the dead, a small group of survivors gather together to assess the situation.

Not to sound cruel, but I hope someone shoots Shelly Somers (Nora Hummel) real soon, 'cause I don't know how much more of her shrill voice I can take.

I'm no good at counting and junk, but I'd say there are at least twenty survivors. If that's so, how the hell am I supposed to keep track of all these people? (Just focus on the characters that interest you. Take, for instance, the metal band.) You mean the two blonde chicks in tight pants, the black chick in the lacy pink pantyhose, and the guy in the leather vest? (Yeah, them.) Excellent idea.

The black chick, Nancy, is played by the leggy Aleida Harris, and she gets her teeth knocked out, stuffs a grenade in a bad guy's mouth, and chops pair of conjoined twins in half with a machete (don't worry, they were totally evil).

I'm not sure which blonde is which, but I do know they were played by Mary Yorio and Susan Bachli. The one in the black tights gets AIDS and kills a guy with a crossbow, while the one in the chartreuse tights gets shot in the ass by some fat fuck. (Hold on, "some fat fuck"? Show some respect, that's Joe Fleishaker, you ingrate. Anyway, what about the guy in the leather vest?) Oh, he's Sean (Alex Cserhart), he kills the director of Redneck Zombies with a guitar string. (Nice.)

Who else is there? (How 'bout the guys responsible for the nearly three hundred or so deaths that occur in this film?) Fuck yeah, I loved those guys. There's Parker (Rick Washburn), a Vietnam vet (Airbourne!) turned used car salesmen, Taylor (Sean Bowen), a no-nonsense kind of guy who digs chicks who wear flats, and Kirkland (Patrick Weathers), a not-so mild-mannered Englishmen who has a blow gun taped to his leg (it's never explained why he has a blow gun taped to his leg, but he turns out to be quite the asset to the Tromaville team).

I didn't think Jessica Dublin could ever top her milf-tastic performance in Island of Death (she gets peed on and decapitated by a bulldozer in that film), but here she is, as Dottie, wielding an M-60 like she was Rambo.

Anyone else turned on by the sight of Jessica Dublin stretching during that pre-battle training montage? Anyone?

It's not a Troma film unless there's a hot blind woman. And Troma's War does not disappoint in that regard. Blinded as a result of the plane crash, Jennifer (Lisa Petruno) might not be able to see, but she can still fire a Tubbs-style shotgun in anger and fill out a pair of white shorts like nobody's business. (Wait, they give her gun?) As she says in the movie, just point her in the right direction.

In a surprise twist, Jennifer falls for Cooney (Ara Romanoff), a tubby coward turned bona fide hero. Speaking of cowards, the less said about Wall St. weasel Hardwick (Charles Kay-Hune), the better; he's such a dick.

Am I forgetting anyone? Oh, yeah, the woman with the baby (Brenda Brock) and the old guy (Steven Crossley) with the artificial arm. Yeah, yeah, there's them. But I think I'm forgetting someone more important. The Latino chick (Lorayn Lane Deluca) in the torn red dress? Loved her attitude, but no.

I know, the tough blonde gal in the yellow flats. Yeah, Sweet Cheeks, a.k.a. Lydia (Carolyn Beauchamp), the woman with the film's highest kill count. You gotta love a woman who can operate a machine gun while wearing flats.

It's also not a Troma film unless we get a shot of some quirky-looking extras, and this criteria is met when we meet the group who are in charge with spreading AIDS across America.

As far as villains without AIDS go, I have to say, I've got a bit of a soft spot Alexis Grey as Maj. Ramirez. Sure, they never show her firing a gun, but in terms of being sexy, Alexis had it going on. Sporting a gigantic mane of teased blonde hair, black leather gloves that went all the way to her elbows, high heel leather knee-high boots, a long charcoal trench coat, and a demented grin/sneer, Alexis chews up as much scenery as Lloyd Kaufman will allow her.

Oh, and you might have noticed that I failed to mention what Alexis was wearing on her thighs (i.e. the area just north of her high heel leather knee-high boots). The reason for this has to do with the fact there are no clear shots of Alexis' body in the early going.

(In the "early going"? Does this mean there are some full body shots in the late going?) You're way ahead of me, my perverted friend. As the revolutionaries are preparing to send a group of "regular-looking" folks to the U.S. (infiltrate American society and cause chaos within), we see Maj. Ramirez organizing this event. Carrying an uzi and barking orders to her subordinates, Maj. Ramirez parades back and forth with an air of authority.

And since parading involves walking, her trench coat opens briefly with every step, giving us an unstructured view of her thighs, which were being strangled by a pair of black, lacy pantyhose.

Essentially, there are three main action scenes in Troma's War. The first being the one where Parker takes on an entire platoon by himself. The second involves Parker, Taylor, Kirkland (wielding a Steyr AUG), Lydia, and Maria rescuing the members of their group after they were captured. And the third is the survivor's valiant attempt to prevent the baddies from launching their invasion of the U.S.A. If I was forced, at gun point, of course, to choose a favourite action sequence, it would have to be the second one, as it features most of my favourite kills. And not to mention, my favourite death. Yo, guy in the tighty whities who back flips into a puddle after being shot, this review of Troma's War is dedicated to you. Airborne!!!!

Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000)

It's been roughly ten years since we last heard from Melvin Junko, a.k.a. The Toxic Avenger, "Toxie" to his friends, the hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength from Tromaville, New Jersey. Or has it? You see, while most people had to wait roughly ten years to get their next Toxie fix, I merely had to wait ten hours. The only downside of this sudden deluge of toxic-related cinema is that my mind has slowly started to erode. To put it another way, Lloyd Kaufman has begun appearing in my dreams. Do I wish the bespectacled Debbie Rochon or the adorably retarded Sweetie Honey were appearing in my dreams instead? Sure I do. That blue-haired lesbian art student with the plump titties can invade my dreams as well if she wants. In fact, all Tromettes are welcome to wallow in my subconscious (try to keep your fetid vaginal juices off my designer throw pillows, I just had them professionally cleaned at my go-to throw pillow cleaning place, "Those Aren't Pillows! Oh, wait, yes they are... Professional Pillow Cleaners Inc."). Don't worry, Lloyd doesn't do anything lewd or lascivious in my dreams. Every time I start to dream, a hyperactive Lloyd Kaufman jumps into frame and begins to introduce what I should expect in the dream I'm about to dream. Of course, everything his says doesn't come to fruition, but his enthusiasm is quite infectious. And another thing, I've noticed that whenever I'm watching a non-Troma film, that I start to get antsy after about ten seconds. At first I thought a bloodthirsty flea had crawled into my girdle. But then I realized, that's no flea, I'm antsy because no one in this non-Troma film is getting their arm forcibly removed or their head bashed in by a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength.

You see what you've done, Lloyd Kaufman, my craving for wanton gore and excessive violence has gotten out of control. And not only that, if I don't see a character vomit, spew, hurl, or puke green slime every four or five minutes, or an old lady run over by the evil doppelgänger of Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. every now and then, I get a super-serious case of restless leg syndrome. And you know the only way to cure a super-serious case of restless leg syndrome is to stab yourself repeatedly in the neck with a rusty speculum.

Now that I've sufficiently established that my brain has basically been ruined, or, liberated, depending on your point of view, by Troma, I can calmly go about addressing that stupid ass elephant that is currently taking up so much space in this particular room. (What elephant?) Don't play dumb. You know which elephant. Her name is Sarah/Claire. She's sometimes blind.She's always leggy. And she digs radioactive cock.

In the first film, The Toxic Avenger, Toxie's girlfriend, Sarah, is played by the beguiling Andree Maranda. And in The Toxic Avenger Part II and The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie, Toxie's girlfriend, Claire, is played by the wonderfully insane Phoebe Legere.

Saddled with the unenviable task of following in the footsteps of a pair of actresses who give, what I consider to be, two of the greatest performances in film history, Heidi Sjursen has her work cut out for her.

Actually, before I give my verdict regarding Heidi Sjursen's performance as Sarah/Claire, I would like talk about the exhaustively awesome opening scene that takes place at the Tromaville School For The Very Special on "Take a Mexican to Lunch Day." I liken this particular scene to a filmed wince. (A filmed what?) You know, a wince. A slight grimace caused by pain or distress. Well, this what a wince would look like if you were to say film it using cameras.

The luminous Debbie Rochon is teaching a class filled with tards... (Okay, I'm going to have to stop you right there. "Tards"?!? You know better than that.) Fine. It's taco day at the Tromaville School For The Very Special, and the very pregnant Ms. Weiner (the still luminous Debbie Rochon) is teaching the students all about tacos. When, all of a sudden... (Don't tell me, a gang calling themselves "The Diaper Mafia" burst into the classroom wielding automatic weapons.) How did you know that was going to happen? (Um, this is my fourth Toxic Avenger movie in as many days, so, I kinda know what to expect.)

Anyway, whether squirting baby milk into Sweetie Honey's face or beating her over the head with their massive breasts, certain members of The Diaper Mafia seem to enjoy picking on Sweetie Honey. And I have to say, this has got to stop. In fact, the next diaper-wearing reprobate who even looks at Sweetie Honey (Lisa Terezakis) in a manner I deem objectionable is going to feel the brunt of a tartar-causing knuckle sandwich. Am I making myself clear? What's that? It's only a movie, eh? Well, we'll see about that.

Movie or not, no one shoots milk from a baby bottle, especially while holding the baby bottle crotch level as if to convey that the baby bottle is your erect penis, in Sweet Honey's face and lives to tell about it. At least not on my watch.

When I first saw Tito (Michael Budinger) masturbating right in the middle of class to Over 50 Magazine, I had no idea this stuttering half a tard would become such an iconic character. The self-proclaimed "Rebel Retard," Tito plays by his own rules. So much so that when The Diaper Mafia burst into the class, he says, "Fuck this, I'm out of here," and leaves the classroom.

In no mood to take part in a hostage situation, Tito resigns to the maintenance closet to shoot heroin. Speaking of maintenance closets, you know what they keep in maintenance closets? (I don't know, cleaning products.) That's right, cleaning products. And what's the best device to use to deploy said cleaning prod... (Cut the shit, when does David Mattey's Toxie show up?) Toxie? He should be here in a few minutes to kill some diapered assholes. (Good, that's all I needed to know.)

In terms of evaluating Diaper Mafia hotness, the woman in the pinkish pantyhose is... Oh, wait. They're all wearing pinkish pantyhose, even the men. Hmm. I got it. Do you see the taut blonde straddling that lucky tard at the back of the class? Yeah, well, she has got it going on. And what makes what she's got going on go on even further is the fact that she looses her diaper midway through the scene. Meaning, the only thing standing between us and her supple as creamed corn undercarriage is a thin layer of pinkish nylon. Yum.

When Toxie finally does arrive to save the day, he disembowels, asphyxiates (with freshly defecated excrement), stabs (with pencil-sharpened fingers), and generally fucks up a shitload of those pesky infantile troublemakers for daring to mess with Tromaville's most precious resource: it's tards. (What about Joe Fleishaker, Toxie's morbidly obese sidekick, doesn't he fuck anyone up?) You mean, Lardass? (yeah, him.) Hmm, not really. He does spread peanut butter all over a bomb, then eats it. Oh, and when the bomb blows up inside Lardass's stomach, it causes a rift to form in the spacetime continuum. (Huh?)

I'll let James Gunn explain. Oh, crap! (What?!?) Look at that. James Gunn, who plays the wheelchair bound and slightly retarded Doctor Flem Hocking, is surrounded by  Troma babes. (So?) Don't you see, I can't focus on plot-centric exposition of a scientific nature with, count 'em, four Troma babes, or "Tromettes," as they're some times called, standing in the frame at once. I mean, look at them. They're amazing. One of them even has a lazy-eye! Double yum.

Which reminds me. Even though I've watched four Toxic Avenger movies in as many days, I wouldn't exactly call myself a Troma expert. But there is one thing I do know, and that is, Troma's talent for casting attractive women, whether they be leading ladies or background people, is first-rate. The next time you find yourself watching a Troma movie, make sure to take the time to appreciate the effort that must have been made to cast interesting-looking women.

Why is Toxie ripping off the arms of the chief of police and throwing that twelve-year old girl against a brick wall? (Oh, man, you really weren't listening to James Gunn, were you?) What can I say, I'm sucker for chicks with lazy-eyes. (At any rate, that's not Toxie, that's Noxie, The Noxious Offender, the evil Toxie who lives in Amortville. And, well, after the explosion, the evil Toxie is transported to Tromaville.) Okay, I get it now. (It's good to have you on board.)

And since Noxie is in Amortville, that would mean the good Toxie, along with Tito and Sweetie Honey, is currently in Amortville. (Exactly.) This applies to all the residents of Tromaville. For example, the Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD (Paul Kyrmse) in Tromaville is a lovable drunk with low-esteem, while the Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD in Amortville is an evil sadist who enjoys running over old ladies.

While the evil Toxie teams up with Sgt. Kazinski (Dan Snow), a psychotic cop, to turn Tromaville into a fascist dictatorship (Mayor Ron Jeremy didn't stand a chance, nor did Dolphin Man), the good Toxie must survive on the means streets of Amortville long enough to find a way home. Joining forces with a severed head named Pompey (Barry Brisco), good Toxie, the crack-addicted Tito, and the too cute for words Sweetie Honey take the fight to the unruly residents of Amortville, who are basically a bunch of cock-chugging masochists. Hell, even Chester, Lardass's Amortville persona, is a shameless whore.

Speaking of whores, Claire (Heidi Sjursen), the woman who looks like Toxie's Sarah in the Amortville universe, manages to somehow retain her sex appeal. Playing a dentally challenged angel in the black stockings covered in runs, Heidi Sjursen basically steals the movie as the hearing impaired Claire, a woman who expects the good Toxie to fill her chocolate starfish with chunky, chunky dick snot. It would seem that the evil Toxie mistreats Claire in this realm. Meaning, that Sarah, Toxie's blind wife from Tromaville, who is pregnant with the good Toxie's baby, is going to be mistreated when the evil Toxie finds her.

Oh, he's going to do more than "mistreat her," he's going to force her to make out with a blue-haired lesbian at one point. (Wait, that doesn't sound so bad.) Actually, I don't want to describe what the evil Toxie does to Sarah, as his penis scares me.

At any rate, I didn't think it was humanly possible but Heidi Sjursen can hold her head up high, as her performance as Sarah/Claire is just as compelling as the one's given by Andree Maranda and Phoebe Legere, who are legends as far as I'm concerned. I know, that's high praise. And, at first I was like, who does this chick think she is? But slowly but surely, she began to win me over.

Bringing the bubbly retarded bent that is the cornerstone of the Sarah character, Heidi amps up the clueless head movements and adds a bit of breathy confusion to the role. Oh, and the fact that she spends the majority of the third act pregnant and covered in blood is to be commended.

In the alternate universe, things are completely different. (How so?) I'll tell you how so. Constantly waving her arms about in an attempt to perform sign language, Heidi Sjursen's Claire is even more demented than Sarah. The teeth, the torn stockings, the PVC mini-skirt, the arm flailing, the slutty demenour, the bruises, everything about Claire is awesome. In the film's best scene, Claire allows Chester to lick her feet while consuming a block of cheese at the same time.

Rectal hemorrhaging abortion doctors, Corey Feldman, blue-haired lesbians, dwarf Gods, Matrix-style fight scenes involving upright cows, the bloodiest hospital hallway fight sequence in film history (the arterial spray was like a freaking fire hose), Julie Strain, a womb-based battle where mop-wielding foetuses fight to the death, a gay porno set, Lisa Gaye, sign language, and lazy eyes. As you can clearly see, this film has it all. I think Tito should get his own movie, as I think the self-proclaimed "Retarded Rebel" has more to give to the world of cinema. Don't groan too loudly, but I think I need to go into detox. Get it. "Detox." I just watched all The Toxic Avenger movies, and now I need to... (We get it. Now, go outside. You're clearly toxic, and clearly on the cusp of slipping under.) Oh, and if I ask you what your favourite Britney Spears' song is, and you don't immediately say, "Toxic," you're clearly retarded. ;)

The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie (1989)

While I haven't forgotten the leggy legacy that is Andree Maranda in the original The Toxic Avenger, it's impossible to deny the amount of girlish spunk, forthright sticktoitiveness and pure, unadulterated awesomeness that Phoebe Legere brings to the role of Claire, the extremely leggy blind girlfriend of Melvin Junko, a.k.a. The Toxie Avenger, or just plain, Toxie, in The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie, the third chapter in the epic saga about the hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength from New Jersey. It's hard to believe there was an actually moment in time when I thought Phoebe Legere couldn't fill Andree Maranda's red pumps. In fact, I may have even looked at Phoebe Legere with a scornful glare when she first appeared onscreen in The Toxic Avenger Part II. Nowadays, however, I look at Phoebe Legere with nothing but a childlike sense of wonder. If you can believe this, I was worried that Phoebe Legere's penchant for jerky head movements and frenzied eye-darting would be curtailed by a peskier than usual plot point. While I won't divulge what this pesky plot point entails exactly–at least not at this particular juncture–but let's just say I thought Phoebe Legere's innate creativity was going to be severely stymied by the events that this so-called pesky plot point could potentially set in motion. Let me assure you, not only does it not dampen the appeal of Phoebe Legere's outre performance, it actually enhances it. Enhances it how, you ask?

I thought you would never ask. What's that, you never did ask? Well, either way, I'm answering anyway. Even though Claire goes through serious changes in this film, it doesn't alter the fact that Pheobe Legere will bring the fullness of her unique brand of insanity to the toxic table.

You don't merely watch Phoebe Legere in The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie, you experience it. Have you ever heard the expression, "on the edge of your seat," used to denote something that is either thrilling or exciting? If you have, the act of sitting on edge-like surfaces is a great way to describe Phoebe Legare's performance, as you constantly feel like you're about to fall face first into her cotton-covered crotch every time she appears onscreen.

Seemingly teetering on the brink of madness from the moment she wakes up in the morning to the moment she goes to bed at night, the sheer volume of uncut brainsick Phoebe Legere is putting out there caused this viewer to pause the film on several occasions. That's right, I was so overwhelmed by the unending deluge of crazy being hurled in my not-so general direction, that I felt the need to take a breather every now and then.

Oh, and by the way, don't think for a minute that Phoebe Legere's unsoundness of mind is diminished just because she's asleep. Uh-uh, the insanity continues long after her pretty head hits the pillow. Are you ready? She sleeps in white stockings with her legs wide apart. If that doesn't sound unsound enough for you, she sleeps with an accordion between her legs. And don't forget, she lives in a shipping container in a toxic waste dump with her equally toxic boyfriend.

Welcome to Tromaville. After a brief recap of the events from the previous films, part three gets underway at Tromaville Video, where bikini-clad ladies are browsing the latest videotapes available to rent. When all of a sudden, the serenity of their tape browsing is interrupted by a gang of tattooed thugs wielding automatic weapons. Since Toxie's tromatons are still in working order, Melvin Junko: The Toxic Avenger (Ron Fazio/John Altamura) should be dropping by at any moment now. Oh, and in case you don't remember, tromatons are what Toxie uses to detect evil. Entering the video store, Toxie makes short work of the gang of tattooed thugs. Using the intestines of one unlucky tattooed thug to jump rope with and severing the hand of another with a VCR, it's obvious that Toxie hasn't lost his touch when it comes to dismembering criminals.

(Wait, I thought Toxie had ridden Tromaville of criminals?) He did. This is merely a flash-forward to the middle of the story. After the video store scene, we pick up where the last film ended. Peace and quiet has finally come to Tromaville. But what's a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength supposed to do with no criminals destroy, no corruption to stamp out, and no toxic waste to clean up? (Hey, this sounds like the plot of part two?) You're right, it is similar. But get this, Toxie becomes a yuppie! I know, pretty gross, eh?

What we need to see right about now is a shot of Claire (Phoebe Legere), Toxie's non-seeing girlfriend, strutting her stuff down the center of Tromaville. And wouldn't you know it, the Troma gods have clearly been listening to my prayers, as we get a shot of Claire, who seems even more leggy than she does in part two (which is technically impossible since part two and three were filmed at the same time), walking down the street in the shortest skirt ever.

It should be noted that Phoebe Legere designed all the outfits she wears in both part two and part three. So, whenever you see Phoebe wearing nothing but white stockings and oven mitts, it was probably her idea.

When Toxie learns there's this new eye surgery available that can cure Claire's blindness, he seems genuinely excited. Unfortunately, it costs around 537,000 dollars. Since there's no money to made in crime-fighting, and even if there was, there's no crime to fight in Tromaville, Toxie gets a job at the IRS. When that doesn't work out, he works at the video store. And when that doesn't... well, you get the idea.

Unable to pay for Claire's surgery, Toxie goes into an even bigger funk; he even contemplates suicide at one point.

Meanwhile, across the river in New York, Apocalypse Inc., the unabashedly evil corporation, are having a very stimulating board meeting. A plan is hatched that involves convincing Toxie to work for them. (Hold on, why would Toxie sell out and work for Apocalypse Inc.?) Um, he can't afford to pay for Claire's surgery. And on top of that, it's 1989. Meaning, it was cool back then to jettison your principles. In other words, you can't blame Toxie for choosing to work for an evil corporation, he's just doing what society has told him and countless other to do, and that is, make as much money as you can no matter how it effects the world or those around you.

Clouded by his desire to make money, Toxie seems oblivious to the fact that he is about to become a cog in the wheel that is preparing to run over the soul of Tromaville.

Hmm, from the sounds it, you could say The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie is more than just a film about a hideously deformed creature of superhuman size and strength killing bad guys with a mop. Personally, I prefer to view the film as the best opportunity to bask in the not even close to being undue length of Phoebe Legere's long ass gams in a cinematic setting currently available. However, you could approach the film as a satire on the yuppification of modern society.

(Can't you view/approach the film as both?) What? (As a satire on the scourge that is yuppie scum and as a showcase for Phoebe Legere's mouth-watering stems?) I suppose you could do that. Even though it does sound like a lot of work.

Anyway, ignoring Claire's advice to put on a fresh tutu, Toxie starts his new job as a spokesmen for Apocalypse Inc.

You gotta hand it to Phoebe Legere, only she could make lying in a hospital bed seem sexy.

With his leggy girlfriend's eye operation a success (the scene where Claire sees Toxie for the very first time is very moving) and a new job that pays well, things are looking up for Toxie. Yeah, they're going great for Toxie, but what about Tromaville? The place is turning into a fascist hellhole.

Are things really all that great for Toxie? Sure, the money's nice, but the residents of Tromaville, even Phoebe, all hate this new Toxie (one who plays tennis and carries a briefcase). What will it take for Toxie to realize he's helping destroy his beloved Tromaville? He needs to see the Chairman of Apocalypse Inc. for what he really is. Now, I don't want to say who exactly the Chairman really is. But let's say he has horns and is tad on the slimy side.

A classic battle between good and evil ensues that uses the video game format (Toxie must pass five levels to attain victory). Some time around level five, Phoebe Legere wields a shotgun.

Speaking of wielding shotguns, Lisa Gaye, who plays Malfaire, an Apocalypse Inc. employee, does exactly that, wields a shotgun. But she's not as prominent as she was in part two. Which was mildly disappointing. She's got this Gina Gershon/Marica Karr/Fran Drescher vibe about her that is quite appealing.

Despite the lack of Lisa Gaye and the fact the film isn't all that gory (other than the video store scene, the film is surprisingly tame, gore-wise), The Toxic Avenger Part III is a passable chunk of filmed entertainment. Oh, and make sure to keep an eye on Phoebe Legere during Toxie's battle with the Chairman of Apocalypse Inc. as the amount of effort she puts into reacting to the events unfolding before her is off the charts as far as outré enthusiasm goes.